


Dawdling Swallow Dive

by Ziane



Category: Founder of Diabolism, The Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation, 魔道祖师 - 墨香铜臭 | Módào Zǔshī - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù
Genre: Anal Sex, Crossdressing, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff, Idiots in Love, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Oil as Lube, Porn with Feelings, Secret Relationship, Smut, Underage Sex, for a tiny bit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-31
Updated: 2019-02-21
Packaged: 2019-10-19 21:21:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 21,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17609207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ziane/pseuds/Ziane
Summary: A seeming peace has conquered the cultivational world for over thirteen years. The Yunmeng Jiang Sect leader, Jiang Cheng, tries to overcome the grudges against his past while he also maintains a secret relationship with Nie Huaisang, the leader of the Qinghe Nie Sect. Their liaison has been a secret for years now, but the distance darkens his mood and brings up the worst in him until they are reunited again.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so weak for these two lately! ლ(́◉◞౪◟◉‵ლ) They break my heart and I want them to be happily ever after so here I am...  
> At first, I thought this would be a single chapter one-shot but I realized I had so much to say about them.
> 
> Welcome to my hell <3
> 
> Disclaimer:  
> \- The story is set before the novel starts.  
> \- Nie Huaisang dresses as a woman to hide his identity but HE LIKES IT TOO (so does Jiang Cheng xD).

A waning moon presides the dark sky of Yunmeng because not even the scarce clouds dare to cover the beauty of its silver smile. It reflects on the peaceful waters along with the dotted stars creating an otherworldly aura at the quayside. At the mercy of the nocturnal, chilly breeze, two servants await at the south-east entrance of Lotus Pier to receive Sandu Shengshou’s distinguished guest. At these late hours and without a single question of who they are, both huddle together for warmth, hoping to finish their chores to end another busy day.

“I bet it’s her again.”

“None of our business.”

Gossiping about the Sect leader’s mysterious visitor would carry heavy consequences, but in the boredom of the night, what else can they do? An enigmatic woman visits often the Yunmeng Jian Sect’s Residence. No matter how many times they’ve been assigned to welcome her and guide her directly to the leader’s chambers, they haven’t seen her face not once. The meddlesomeness nature of the servant increases dangerously every time, hoping to see a glimpse of her face or a trace of her background; something that hints who could she possibly be. One thing they know, the fearsome Sandu Shengshou’s mood changes drastically after her visits.

“I’m curious.” He clears his throat. “Must be someone important or she’d stay around longer…” Everyone aware of the liaison wants to know who has won over their leader’s unreachable heart. Why the secrecy? Is she married already? Is she from a prominent sect? Betrothed to someone else, perhaps? “Maybe she’s just not good enough to show around but good enough to…”

“Hush.” The servant straightens at once, chastising his partner’s improper banter when he spots the maiden ambling toward them. Alone, as always, she covers her face with a dark, purple veil over her head until the only thing you can see is her velvety lips. A gracious chin and a slender neck hints at her beauty. “She’s so elegant…” the one scolding murmurs, trying to avert his gaze to no avail.

The veil drapes down her shoulders in a sumptuous cascade of glided embroidery. It’s impossible to peek through the darkness of the muslin, not on the brightest of days or the fullest of moons, much less in a gloomy night like tonight. Fear also does his job. They want to see, but they wouldn’t dare to _know_. “I told you.” They gasp in unison, mesmerized by the captivating beauty approaching them.

The moonlight reflects over her thin figure, her stride is decisive but slow, as though she would love to make him wait. What maiden would dare to run in a hurry toward her lover? Not this kind; the kind that lurks your dreams and dampens your sheets in sweat. Not too tall, but not petite either. She’s probably a fellow cultivator but wears no weapons on her visits which is strange but also smart. They would’ve recognized her by now if she were wearing the colors of her sect or a renowned sword. Layers of muslin and the softest of silks cover her body in a mixture of gold, lavender, and purple. The servants swoon at the tasteful choice of colors, sure to please the Sect leader. But to be honest, who wouldn’t be pleased in the company of such a distinguished maiden?

Lavishly dressed and primped, her exquisite demeanor and timidness add to her attractiveness. So wealthy she could be the daughter of an ostentatiously rich merchant or Sandu Shengshou has spoiled her blinded by love. A delicate folding fan hangs from her wrist, attached by a golden chain. The servant can only wonder how soft would her hands be, curing illnesses with a mere brush of the fingertips. Without noticing, he lets out a hearty sigh and his fellow partner nudges him.

She ceases her stroll a few steps away from them while the servants look at her equally petrified and mesmerized. Every single time they have to swallow their embarrassment for staring at such a treat for the eyes. They know the drill and bow, partly as an apology, and partly as a greeting. Swiveling about, they open the door and guide her inside. By now, she could follow the short walk to the Sect leader’s bed blindfolded. The curious servant glances back over his shoulder, gasping under the dim light of the hall. He eyes a pair of plump, red lips that tighten his throat and curl his stomach. No smile, just a heart-warming, scarlet pout.

The tantalizing sight is immediately concealed by the vivid image of a swallow. Out of shyness, she hides behind the folding fan. He fixes his gaze forward again, but the vision will chase him longer than he would want, judging by how his heart trudges from one heartbeat to the next. Instructed not to engage in unnecessary conversation, the servants stand at both sides of the Sect leader’s chambers and knock. The maiden stands between them primly; always like a bride on her wedding night, enveloped by an aura of innocence that they know she doesn’t possess.

The servants thought they were bringing a different maiden every time until they noticed the subtle details. The same long, onyx hair drapes past her waist. Albeit the clothes and garments vary in style and color, they are always exquisite and elegant from the best quality fabrics and designs. And the intricate folding fans. There is always one hanging from her waist or her wrist, usually covering the lower part of her face or gracefully shifting as she fidgets with it between her alabaster, slender fingers. No doubt that it’s the same fair maiden every time, and part of him feels sorry for her. After so many years and visits, she’s loved in the shadows, like something to be ashamed of when she’s an otherworldly goddess worth to be the mistress of Lotus Pier or even Koi Tower. Then the dream-like thoughts vanish in an instant. Jiang Cheng opens abruptly the door with the usual bitterness signs between his eyebrows and at the corners of his mouth.

The Sect leader doesn’t even grant them a glare of disdain, his eyes piercing her in place instead in a mixture of impatience and lust. How not to lust for her! He steps aside, and she enters the room leaving behind a gust of her floral perfume. As a cloud of bewilderment invades them, the servants bow respectfully. “I want no one near my chambers until I say so,” Jiang Cheng hisses, flicking his eyes from one servant to the other. The threatening glance sends a frisson through their bodies.

They dare not let out a single breath until the door closes, but when it does… “She’s so beautiful!” he whispers in unfeigned excitement. “I saw her lips.” He ignores the chastising shush and lowers his voice even further as they walk back outside. “Like the perfect red apple. She’s so pretty it hurts.”

“Shut up and leave the master to his business.”

“And what a business!” He shushes him again to no avail. “Which sect do you think she’s from? She can’t be… you know… a prostitute.”

“Shut up already!” The unwelcoming breeze swathes them again as they leave the south-east wing. They stocked and cleaned the chambers this morning and prepared the bath and water to boil upon command. Food, wine, fruits, sweets treats… a myriad of delicacies just for them, but as usual, all the fun comes to the masters and not the servants. Another deep sigh echoes in the night.

“I’m hopelessly in love!” The servant rolls his eyes at his annoying companion.

 

Jiang Cheng rivets his eyes over the many layers of garments before him, pausing when his eyes reach those velvety, red lips. His heart leaps, and taking a step forward, he traps the snub chin between his fingers. The partly opened mouth is an enthralling sight that awakens many improper thoughts in his mind. Jiang Cheng knows how beautiful they look swollen and spit-licked as they pleasure him like the most devoted lover. He knows by heart the many enticing noises that come out of them in the middle of their lovemaking. Lips made to sin.

“Sandu Shengshou.” Jiang Cheng’s eyebrows twitch at the use of his title.

His thumb wipes the rouge from his lips in a suggestive glide. There is no need to lift the veil to know who hides underneath. It was his idea, after all, to come to him disguised as a woman. Although Jiang Cheng suspects his lover enjoys the deed a tad too much. His wardrobe has increased considerably, and even him has gifted accessories and the sultriest materials for his garments. There is a weakness settled deep in his heart and his name is Nie Huaisang.

So of course, he doesn’t mind his eccentricities. He maintains their reputation intact while enjoying their liaison free from intrigues or gossiping. And all it took is to wrap him in luxury women clothes and jewels. At least the gossiping he attracts he likes. Everybody in Yunmeng wonders who’s the fair maiden warming his bed so often and why does she hide from the public eye. At his age, Jiang Cheng should be married and having children but who cares when everything he wants is right in front of him. Not what he should want, but the thing he covets more than power, fame or recognition.

Once his lips are clean and a reddish shadow covers their natural color, only then Jiang Cheng falls for them. He drinks the faint moan that comes out of his lungs directly into his mouth, gliding his tongue to part his mouth as though he just bit a loquat. He assails it with the eagerness of a thirsty man, tasting the wonders of Nie Huaisang’s beauty. Jiang Cheng grunts faintly when his tamed lover doesn’t move or kisses back. Perhaps demanding his presence here tonight or never again was a bit harsh. A hint of guilt churns his stomach and the passionate, one-sided kiss fades into a blue streak of soft pecks and a frustrated gasp. “What took you so long?” Jiang Cheng lifts the veil over his head, revealing a pair of dark, big eyes and a subtle furrow between his eyebrows. And yet his breath seizes at the bedazzling sight of Nie Huaisang.

“I had to make last minutes arrangements,” Nie Huaisang says, averting his gaze as though it hurt. But he was really wondering how could he pick the perfect outfit in a rush at the same time he staged his alibi. “I’m supposed to be night-hunting.” Jiang Cheng snorts and it stings, so Nie Huaisang shoots him a glare of disdain and walks toward the table, feigning offense. He reclines on a bamboo seat and before he reaches the jar of wine, Jiang Cheng serves him a pouring and sits by his side.

Truth is, being apart hurts, his anger spikes and his mouth blurts out the worst accusations. It’s always been like this, but hurting Nie Huaisang breaks his heart. It’s been increasingly difficult to appease him or make up for his mistakes. The situation also hinders his efforts. This whole thing started when they were young, coming and going like the seasons. But their recent relationship is another story. A young love, a fling, an affair… many names and only one word to describe how he feels toward him. Does Nie Huaisang struggle with this too? His tamed personality and inherent docility make it difficult to discern the wishes of his heart. Or perhaps he’s too blind to see them.

Jiang Cheng runs his fingers through Nie Huaisang’s hair. It’s long, black as the night sky, and the softest thing he’s ever touched. “I like your hair like this,” he says.

A withheld smile curls Nie Huaisang’s lips upward. “It’s easier if I wear it down because of the veil, that’s all.” He waves his hand as though he was dismissing the topic. Unfolding the fan in a gracious movement, he covers his smile.

“Don’t,” Jiang Cheng says, cocking his head while Nie Huaisang gifts him again the treasure of his smiling lips.

Their real relationship started after the Sunshot Campaign, surpassing together every dear loss in their lives, but always in the shadows. Nothing would ease the pain but the other’s presence. They kept their affair secret though. This was the only thing no one could ruin for them. If nobody knew, who would dare to meddle in? No strings, no set-in-stone attachments, no obligations except for the desires of their hearts. But the years passed, and mere lovers didn’t suit them anymore, but Jiang Cheng said nothing, Nie Huaisang didn’t complain either and here they are. Over ten years together but not really together.

It leaves a bittersweet taste on his lips.

Nie Huaisang sips his wine while glancing at Jiang Cheng. He seems lost in his thoughts, staring listlessly at the table with a gloomy shadow flashing through his eyes. Enough to know he’s brooding about the past again. As far as Nie Huaisang remembers, their recent relationship differs greatly from what it used to be. He’s been madly in love with Jiang Cheng ever since he was young and naïve; since the year they met at the Cloud Recesses. He’s always tried not to ask for more than Jiang Cheng gives even though he cries himself to sleep when they don’t see each other for many moons in a row. But Nie Huaisang wants to be more than his lover, dressing up like this for him is a pleasure, but hiding from the world shatters his heart. He endures whatever Jiang Cheng needs if it allows them to be together. But are they really together? Nie Huaisang sighs and takes a long gulp at the wine. They’ve been through so much loss and death throughout the years that keeping their hush-hush tryst also besmirches what they are.

Jiang Cheng notes how fast Nie Huaisang is downing the drinks and smiles. Whenever he is in his company, a weight lifts from his shoulders. “More wine?” Nie Huaisang nods, a pink hue already tinging his cheeks. Jiang Cheng sighs at his inner turmoil. He needs him, wants to wake up every morning by his side. It’s a day full of bitterness when they’re not together. Why is still a secret after all this time? Jiang Cheng admires the comeliness of Nie Huaisang that seems to have grown more than tenfold in the past ten years.

No, he doesn’t mind at all he’s dressed as a woman. He craves it, loves to find his delicate features and alabaster skin fitting his tastes, unmatched by any other woman he’s ever been with. Because Jiang Cheng has had lovers as part of their agreement to not tie themselves to the other unnecessarily. He broke that agreement years ago. No other lover compares to Nie Huaisang and he wants them far from his bed. Jiang Cheng refused to search in others the unattainable happiness and relief he finds with Nie Huaisang in his arms.

If only he could bring himself up to say the words his heart screams in his head.

“Wanyin-xiong,” Nie Huaisang calls him and Jiang Cheng comes back to the present. “You wanted me to come in such a hurry, I… is everything alright?” He downs the entire cup of wine for courage and coughs at the itching throat. Jiang Cheng fills it up again with a half-smile.

 _I_ _miss you._ _I_ _couldn’t stand waking up without you again_ . “ I wanted to see you.” Jiang Cheng curses his unruly mouth. Scooting closer, he cups Nie Huaisang’s face and leans forward, hoping his actions speak for him. Their lips press together, the taste of rice wine and insecurities reaching them both. _I missed you. Say it!_ But he does not, he leans back and serves a drink for himself. “Did you come alone?”

Nie Huaisang nods. “A small group of cultivators from my sect are hunting near Yunmeng.” Jiang Cheng glances at him. “They suspect nothing, so don’t worry, your reputation is intact and mine is…” Nie Huaisang shakes his head as a sad smile stretches his lips. “Nobody cares where I am, I could disappear into thin air and…”

 _I care!_   Jiang Cheng slams the cup on the wooden surface with a clatter before he steals his own words and Nie Huaisang’s with another kiss. _Say it!_   Their gazes meet, lips brushing against each other as they breathe the same air. Those glazing eyes starved of love shrink his heart, but the moment passes and the words don’t form at the back of his throat. Jiang Cheng curses again. A hand on the floor, he crawls on top of Nie Huaisang until he loses his balance and his back touches the floor with a thump. Jiang Cheng braces himself with hands open like fans at both sides of Nie Huaisang’s head. He’s like a seemingly defenseless prey waiting to be devoured, and Jiang Cheng has been starved of him for far too long.

They saw each other two weeks ago, but to his heart and mind, it has been an eternity hard to overcome. Nie Huaisang looks at him behind hooded lids, his mouth parted, his cheeks blushed; a tempting lure between act and truth. Jiang Cheng falls willingly for both. “Kiss me back,” he whispers, hovering over him. He wets his lips with a flick of his tongue in preparation.

“You were mean,” Nie Huaisang retorts. Jiang Cheng knows the hard-to-get games of Nie Huaisang all too well by now. It curls his stomach nice and warm and goads him to take what it’s his. Deep in his heart, he knows it’s his lover’s silent plea for more. Jiang Cheng leans on his forearms, closing the distance between them.

“Kiss me back or else…” Nie Huaisang gasps, glancing at Jiang Cheng with eyes brimming with impatience and lust. _Or else I’ll drop on my knees and beg for your kisses_ , Jiang Cheng finishes in his mind. He succumbs to his lips, more passionately, his body pinning him to the floor as though Nie Huaisang would try to escape.

As a whine leaves his lungs, Nie Huaisang lets his tongue out to assail Jiang Cheng’s mouth. He’s been missing his stubborn lover, and he’s unable to put up an act any longer. Unfortunately, they don’t have the luxury of time. He clings to his neck with both arms, bringing him onward in a desperate hug. Jiang Cheng groans into his mouth, a hand cupping his face tenderly while he ravishes his mouth all teeth and tongue. He bites his lips and slides his tongue inside, noting the unmistakable swelling of his cock against his body. Finally, Nie Huaisang kisses him back, he yields to his eagerness and pays him back with those enticing noises he lives for. Jiang Cheng suckles at his lower lip, gliding his tongue over the plump, swollen pout before he takes a sharp intake of air.

As though Nie Huaisang is disappointed at the brief mating of tongues, he bends his knee. It’s so subtle but full of intention; how he brushes his thigh against his crotch. Jiang Cheng thrusts his tongue inside his mouth, stealing another whine. That’s the Nie Huaisang that drives him mad with desire. Acting like a wanton, but ruling what happens in the bedroom with a flutter of his lashes or a needy whine. Jiang Cheng’s short-tempered nature comes out harsh -indeed the son of his mother- but Nie Huaisang wrecked all his walls long ago. He recognizes his weaknesses and exploits them as a versed mistress.

Out of breath, Nie Huaisang turns his head to a side, baring a slender neck that receives Jiang Cheng’s bites and kisses. His lips tingle and burn by the suckling and the nibbling. He clutches the folding fan tightly, biting his own knuckles to muffle the whine at a precise love bite. Jiang Cheng clenches his teeth around his flesh, pulling with clear intentions of forming a bruise in the shape of his mouth. Another mark to cover from the world, but that soothes him just being there. “You’re leaving marks,” Nie Huaisang protests. Jiang Cheng bites him again, higher up his neck. “Yes,” he moans.

Tugging at the collars of his upper garments, Jiang Cheng traces a road of kisses down his collarbone. He sneaks a hand underneath, moving away the layers until he reveals a perked, rosy nipple. His hot breath puffs on his skin snitching the way of his mouth. Parting his lips, Jiang Cheng latches on the tip. The noise coming out of Nie Huaisang pulls his strings just right.

Nie Huaisang glances down at Jiang Cheng, his tongue swiping over his nipple until it is hard and glistening. But then his hand slides down his waist and Nie Huaisang giggles. “Stop it,” he mumbles in between a chuckle and a throaty moan.

“Am I tickling you?” Jiang Cheng brushes his fingers lightly across his ribs and Nie Huaisang chuckles again.

“You know you are!” He forgets about the mouth teasing his nipple or the hardness pressing at his thigh because those fingers make him squirm cheerfully. His clear laugh is like a summer breeze, but Jiang Cheng presses his whole palm on his side easing the tickling at the same time he bites gently his nipple. He glances up at a flustered Nie Huaisang still trying to compose himself.

Using the distraction, Jiang Cheng tugs at his sash, loosening the lower garments. He swoops down the long skirts. “Not here!” Nie Huaisang yelps. But Jiang Cheng’s lips stretch in a smug smile at the sight of silky, short undergarments in a lovely peach color. There was no need to wear those to maintain the charade, but Jiang Cheng knows Nie Huaisang enjoys it. And yet he didn’t wear the matching _dudou_ he knows pairs with this. One day he will gather the courage to ask him to wear this just for him. When he doesn’t turn another shade of red by the request.  “Coming at me as if you were still a teenager, Jiang Cheng!”

“There are parts of you that disagree,” Jiang Cheng says, kissing down his stomach. The delicate underwear barely holds Nie Huaisang’s arousal, the tenting of the fabric obvious to the eye. Jiang Cheng nuzzles below his navel, noting the subtle trembling of Nie Huaisang as he travels lower and lower until his lips brush the silkiness that hides his lust.

“Do you like it?” It’s barely a whisper, but Jiang Chen kisses the hard length trapped underneath and nods. Nie Huaisang worries at his lower lip, heat spreading on his face. Jiang Cheng turns his attention to the peachy underwear, mouthing shamelessly as he feels Nie Huaisang swelling by the friction of the fabric and his ministrations. “Not here,” he mumbles again, his cock oozing a clear trail that soaks the silk. Jiang Cheng sneaks his fingers underneath and pulls them down until his cock springs free. Round and beautiful, the pinkish tip swollen and glistening. He cannot help kiss it. “Not on the floor.”

Jiang Cheng chuckles at his protests, letting his tongue out to give a long stroke from hilt to tip, relishing in the subtle twitch and the clear droplet that trickles down and pools at his hilt. Nie Huaisang is not too big, he fits in his hand as though he was made just for him. He tugs gently in a smooth rhythm to work him up into a full erection. “Er gege.” The murmur curls his stomach. He twirls his tongue over the tip, tasting Nie Huaisang and loving how his spine arches at him pursuing his mouth.

Ignoring the raging erection between his own legs, Jiang Cheng traps the head into his mouth, eliciting the sultriest moan from Nie Huaisang. He pulls at the skin, securing the hilt with two fingers while he swallows him whole bit by bit. Strangled moans and whines fill the room while he keeps him in his mouth, his nose buried at the hilt. He loves he can swallow his cock in one glide, keeping him warm there while his lover writhes at his mercy.

Nie Huaisang nudges at his shoulder with the fan, staring behind hooded lids at Jiang Cheng hoarding his cock into his mouth. But then he suckles, and he cannot suppress the hearty moan that leaves his lungs. The molten heat of his mouth ripples around him, suckling so slowly it’s nigh overwhelming. “Jiang Cheng!” he wails, his lungs out of air, mouth agape, hips swaying upward. He grips the edge of the table until his knuckles are white, needing something to hold on to when Jiang Cheng has no intention to stop or listen to him.

Humming an eager melody, Jiang Cheng sucks the hard cock in his mouth, his tongue brushing the underside, his lips wrapping tightly around his girth so Nie Huaisang can’t escape. He intends to drag out of him the moans that woke him up at night only to realize it was just a dream. Nie Huaisang nudges him again with the fan, but he sloppily drops it on the floor when he drags him out only to swallow him back again in one smooth glide. “Ah! Please,” Nie Huaisang mumbles.

He wants more time, the comfort of the bed and not the harsh floor, but his treacherous lover wants to steal his pleasure in a rush. Nie Huaisang has been dreaming of this every night, finding his bed too cold and lonely to provide a well-deserved rest. The wet noises coming out of Jiang Cheng coil down on him and add to the situation. His hand finds his tied-up hair, feeling the braid disappearing into the bun as he messes it up with his fingers. How he wished his hair was loose to tug and try to stop the unmerciful mouth trapping him in a wet, hot cage.

But Jiang Cheng is relentless, eyes closed and focused on the desperate movements from Nie Huaisang. “I’m going to… Jiang Cheng,” he whines. Pressing with the balls of his feet on the floor, he bucks up into his mouth, yielding to the sweltering pleasure. Jiang Cheng wants what he wants and takes it unabashedly. Not that Nie Huaisang minds when his body stiffens as a jolt of pleasure flashes through him. His climax blinds his sight and seizes his breath.

Jiang Cheng feels the sudden twitch on his cock and the hot spurts in his mouth. He sucks and swallows it all, taking everything Nie Huaisang gives as though it was the sweetest treat of all. He got exactly what he wanted, and no matter how harshly he pulls at his hair or how many pleases and moans are directed to him, he suckles at a leisurely pace until he goes soft in his mouth. His cock slips through his lips at the same time a whine escapes Nie Huaisang’s lungs.

“You… you’re so mean.” Nie Huaisang pouts when Jiang Cheng travels up the length of his body leaving a trail of kisses behind.

“Mean?” Jiang Cheng chuckles. “You enjoyed that,” he whispers the words into his mouth, stealing his breath away with a mad, wet kiss in which Nie Huaisang tastes his own lust.

“Take me to bed,” Nie Huaisang whispers, relaxing in the afterglow of his orgasm. Nothing compares to having Jiang Cheng swathing him in a full-body caress, but at his request, he stands up and offers a hand to him. Nie Huaisang adjusts his lower garments swiftly before he takes it. When he’s on his feet, Jiang Cheng wraps an arm around his upper back and the other behind the knee pits, lifting him in his arms as though he weighed nothing. “I can walk,” Nie Huaisang says as an intent blush spreads over his cheeks.

“But you like me to carry you.” Jiang Cheng walks them both behind the folding screen, laying Nie Huaisang carefully in the middle of the wooden bed. The sight of him spread on the pillows with a red hue on his cheeks and neck dries his throat and hardens his cock.

Biting his lower lip, Nie Huaisang pretends not to overjoy the affection brimming in Jiang Cheng’s eyes. “You’re staring,” he whispers. Jiang Cheng rivets his eyes over his lover, leaning to take off one shoe after the other. He climbs up the bed, toeing off his boots before he covers Nie Huaisang with his body again. Eager to get rid of the garments between them, Jiang Cheng opens the lapels of his shirt, baring jade skin that has seen no unmerciful battle.

Noting the subtle lavender and bright purple, a smile stretches his lips. “You’re wearing the colors of my sect,” Jiang Cheng says, narrowing his eyes at Nie Huaisang while he helps him get rid of the long-sleeved upper clothing. “And so many layers…”

“Ah,” Nie Huaisang says, drumming his fingers over his mouth while his lover disrobes him tenderly, sliding off the skirts and underskirts but leaving the underwear in place. “Does that bother you, A-Cheng?” It was intentional. He would wish to have his handheld fan to cover the sly smile stretching his lips. Aware of Jiang Cheng’s pride, he knows wearing purple wouldn’t go unnoticed. Deep in his heart, Nie Huaisang hopes it pleases him.

“Suits you.” Jiang Cheng gets rid of his sash and upper garments, leaving on only the black trousers he wears underneath his daily clothes. At the sight of a timid Nie Huaisang worrying at his lower lip with a half-smile, a scarlet blush on his face, and silky underwear, Jiang Cheng feels lightheaded. There is nothing sweeter than him roaming the mortal world or the heavens. “I…” he stutters, ogling his lean body displayed for the desires of his heart. “I want more of these on you.” Jiang Cheng clears his throat, his finger tugging at the silky garment. His cock huddles at a side of his groin, strained by the trousers.

Nie Huaisang giggles, cupping his face with a gentle hand. He invites Jiang Cheng to lie on top, skin against skin as he wraps both legs around him. “Really?” His warmth swathes him like a cozy blanket, taking away the distress from the problems of his own sect and the many requests that overwhelm him every day. As if he could be the resourceful Nie Mingjue focused only on duty and brought up to lead. He was never supposed to be the leader of the Qinghe Nie Sect. “I thought you’d scold me for the frivolity,” he teases.

Jiang Cheng frowns. “Why would I? You look ravishing.” The praise comes out without thinking, and he turns beet red. Even after so many years, saying those things and flirting makes him feel weirdly uncomfortable. How did he even manage to get into Nie Huaisang’s pants back then? He’s an absolute disaster at dating or wooing girls; his praises turn awfully wrong most of the time. If he doesn’t get tongue-tied at all! One glimpse at their first kiss and he feels mortified all over again.

“Because you’re grumpy,” Nie Huaisang says. He minds not Jiang Cheng’s inability to praise or compliment him because when something like this comes out of his mouth, he knows it’s truthful and honest. He can read it in the embarrassed gaze and the sudden stuttering.

“I… I’m not,” Jiang Cheng looks at him dumbfounded.

“A grumpy old man in his thirties,” he teases, shaking his head at the glare directed to him. “But there is no cultivator more handsome than you, Cheng-xiong.” Jiang Cheng huffs. “Nor more talented, skilled, or fierce in battle…” Nie Huaisang moves away a stray strand of hair from his face to stare into those blue eyes that hide nothing from him. “Stories of you wielding Sandu and Zidian impose fear on your enemies.”

“Sweet talker,” Jiang Cheng says, toying with Nie Huaisang’s hair over the pillow to avert his gaze. He sighs. “I only rank fifth in the cultivational world.”

“You rank one for me.” Nie Huaisang earns a bite on his neck. There, Jiang Cheng hides the evident blush on his face. His lover knows how to feed his ego and turn the tables when he gets moody. “I admire you as much as I admired my brother,” Nie Huaisang whispers, caressing the back of his neck and smiling at the tender kiss Jiang Cheng presses on his neck.

It’s always been a struggle to meet the expectations of his parents, and before he could prove himself, they were gone. Jiang Cheng took at heart every time he wasn’t the best, second place meant nothing, he wasn’t favored by his father and suffered his mother’s disappointment. It weighs heavy on his soul even now. Revenge didn’t take away the bittersweet taste of not being good enough. Nie Huaisang had always been in the shadow of his older brother or under the protection of others. Always a failure, a good-for-nothing; it took him eight years to form his golden core and even that wasn’t enough. This is something they understand about the other without words. Like looking in a mirror. To their eyes, they’ve never been more than themselves. No more failure, pain or regrets. Past ghosts vanished and made way for their shared love. The first in the other’s heart, the one to lick your wounds and heal your soul. And no one else.

Jiang Cheng stares at him with bleary eyes as though the praise had reached a soft spot. But Nie Huaisang wants him smiling again, not dwelling on the past. They have one night before he has to come back to the Unclean Realm and only the heavens know when he will be able to come back to Lotus Pier. “Er gege,” he calls in a sultry whisper that catches Jiang Cheng’s attention in an instant. “Tonight, you better prove how good you are in bed too…”

Jiang Cheng snorts. “As if you had any doubts!” His fingers stroke his cheek, his thumb tracing the plump lower lip that stretches upward in a mischievous smile.

“I’m in need of a reminder,” Nie Huaisang whispers, letting his tongue out to lick at his finger. A throaty groan comes out of Jiang Cheng. “And we need these off too.” Nie Huaisang sneaks both hands down the small of his back, uselessly trying to pull down Jiang Cheng’s trousers. Sometimes Nie Huaisang wonders if he’s just a distraction or if Jiang Cheng truly cherishes his company, but he pushes his doubts to the back of his mind. He will have time to dwell on his insecurities when they’re not together.

With the help of his hand, Jiang Cheng shimmies his trousers off along with his undergarments, pressing his searing length on Nie Huaisang’s inner thigh. A few kicks and the trousers fall unceremoniously at the foot of the bed. “Will this satisfy you?” Jiang Cheng marks his words with a sway of his hips, welcoming Nie Huaisang’s legs around his waist. All the problems of the world vanish in the warmth of his body.

Nie Huaisang arches his spine to brush against Jiang Cheng’s bare chest. “I don’t know, I don’t know…” he teases.

“You’re such a bad actor in front of me,” Jiang Cheng chides, groping for his ass and squeezing until he makes sure he leaves marks in the shape of his fingertips. His other hand threads in the long sea of his hair, taking a handful and tugging to expose his slender neck and throat to his unmerciful mouth. “You can’t fool me, Huaisang…” Jiang Cheng whispers in a raspy voice, swiping his tongue from the hollow of his throat and up his Adam’s apple. The taste of the thin layer of perspiration fuels his desire.

“Ah, er gege,” Nie Huaisang gasps, his hands roaming up and down his back. “I don’t know what you’re talking about…” A whimper masks the sly smile unfolding on his lips. Jiang Cheng chuckles, nibbling at his skin and hoping to make a sore mess of Nie Huaisang by the end of the night.

Naughty fingertips graze the tender skin at his neck, traveling up his chin. Nie Huaisang meets his gaze, and Jiang Cheng grants him a half-smile full of intent. “Wet these for me.” He rubs his lips playfully but Nie Huaisang grasps his wrist and parts his mouth. It’s not that he wasn’t expecting the usual shamelessness from Nie Huaisang, a know-it-all at how to please and raise him to heavens. It’s that every single time the mere sight of Nie Huaisang unashamed of his behavior pools deep down his stomach and robs him of his wits.

Nie Huaisang slides his fore and middle finger inside his mouth. Jiang Cheng gasps, watching his fingers disappear. His fingertips push his tongue until Nie Huaisang plays him like putty into his hands. He slides the tip between the two fingers, at licks at the delicate skin. Jiang Cheng licks his own lips watching how his lover makes a show of a simple request.

Pulling at his wrist, Nie Huaisang withdraws the fingers to swallow them back again, smearing his saliva until they are glistening and ready for the task. The thought of Jiang Cheng fingering him makes his spent cock twitch in interest. He’s getting impatient, so Nie Huaisang moans into his fingers, taking them out languidly as he flicks his tongue over them. A clear rail joins his bottom lip with his fingertips, and Jiang Cheng groans, his eyes darkened by an irrepressible lust.

He moves his hand away, breaking the union before he suckles at Nie Huaisang’s bottom lip. He wants to feel them swollen and abused by his doing, praising the many wonders they inflict on him; the many words of love that mean nothing from everyone else but lighten up his soul when they come from Nie Huaisang. Plump, rosy lips that know nothing but hold the truth and many secrets worth of an empire.

“Help me out,” Jiang Cheng whispers, and Nie Huaisang slides his underwear down his thighs. There is no way he can get rid of them while Jiang Cheng is on top, but he suspects his lover hasn’t had enough of the silky treat yet. “Just like that…” he pours the words into his mouth, sneaking a hand down on him, guiding blindly his spit-licked fingers to Nie Huaisang’s rim. Tender, soft skin that he wets carefully while his lover whines and waits for the moment he breaches inside him.

“Jiang er gege…” Nie Huaisang pouts. “Don’t tease.” Jiang Cheng pushes a finger inside, eliciting a sultry moan that goes right to his cock. He’s so hot and soft he cannot help moving his finger in and out of him. While his mouth drinks every noise coming out of Nie Huaisang, his fingers fight for room into his ass, stretching him with ease. He’s guided by impatience, by the sheer desire of sinking himself inside his warmth for the rest of his life. “It feels so good,” he moans.

Jiang Cheng smirks. Nie Huaisang has always been weak for his fingers, since those days of youth they played games that exceeded their innocence until now, two full grown-up adults yielding to their most shameful desires. Deep in his heart, he knows it was Nie Huaisang the one guiding him, teaching him how to love him even if it was so low-key it made him feel like he was an innate expert at pleasuring him. But what Jiang Cheng was indeed, is a devoted student aimed to please. His fingers thrust deeper until they’re buried inside him to the second knuckle. He picks up a dangerous pace that has Nie Huaisang half-hard and whining nonsense. “You keep playing with yourself without me…” He suckles at his lower lip, releasing slowly.

“When I can’t have you,” Nie Huaisang mumbles, meeting his gaze to find those blue voids determined to feast on him tonight. “But I always think of you.” He bites his lower lip.

“You better do,” Jiang Cheng warns, curling his fingers upward. Nie Huaisang lifts his hips, helping him find the sweet spot he’s looking for.

“Of you,” he moans. “Your fingers, your tongue… -Jiang Cheng’s fingers make his cock twitch and a jolt of pleasure prickles through him-… your cock.” Nie Huaisang pants. A red hue covers his cheeks and neck, spreading as a watercolor over his jade skin. Jiang Cheng peppers a myriad of kisses across his jaw, moving to the side and up his ear.

“Is that what you what?” he whispers. Nie Huaisang’s answer is a moan in the shape of a yes, so loud and clear his cock shoots a clear spurt on his inner thigh. Jiang Cheng bites his earlobe, suckling at the cold skin and warming it up with his tongue.

“Please.” Nie Huaisang smiles. It’s so easy to feed Jiang Cheng’s ego in bed. Not that he needs it. He finds his performance outstanding every single time, but it doesn’t hurt to say it. There’s little left of the insecure Jiang Cheng of their youth. Now he’s a willing lover who knows all his secrets and exploits his weaknesses. He can be caring or ruthless and Nie Huaisang is weak for both. Only Jiang Cheng knows biting his earlobe makes him see stars, that two fingers up his ass curls his spine in pleasure, and that his thick cock stretching him widely could make him come just filling him to the brim. “Wanyin.” Untouched.

The fingers leave him empty. Jiang Cheng straightens, leaving the bed to find a vial of oil conveniently kept on the nightstand. Nie Huaisang gets rid of his underwear, tossing it somewhere far away from the bed. The sight of Jiang Cheng’s body seizes his breath. Honed in battle and training. Even now, Jiang Cheng focuses on his cultivation daily and it shows on every ridge that his muscles trace over his skin. How he wished he could see him again practicing with the sword like when they were young. Hours and hours pretending to study or read while checking him out. Those memories bring a smile to his lips. “What is it?” Jiang Cheng says, warming up some oil between his fingers. Nie Huaisang giggles teasingly, bending his knees and spreading his legs. He exposes himself to Jiang Cheng’s prying eyes.

Sprawled on the bed, his hair mussed, flustered and offering himself nonchalantly. Nie Huaisang swears he has seen his Adam’s apple bob. It goads him to hook both legs on his arms at the same time he worries at his lower lip. “A-Cheng…” A droplet of oil stains the bedding because Jiang Cheng is stock still, mesmerized by the creature lurking his most shameful wet dreams and now spread wide on the bed.

“Don’t tempt me like that,” he chides, scooting closer between his legs. “I have no patience when I want you.” He shoves both his fingers in him with urgency, relishing in the loud whine from Nie Huaisang and his beautiful features twisted in a grimace of pleasure and discomfort at the sudden intrusion. The oil makes things smoother, and Jiang Cheng smiles smugly, withdrawing to smear the slick on his rim and then deep inside him. Soon he won’t have the will power to hold himself. His cock stands firmly into the air, leaking a clear trail on the bed and throbbing for a soft touch.

Nie Huaisang is hard again, a shy cock resting against his belly in a glorious pinkish color. “Then take me,” he says and moans from the back of his throat. That lopsided smile on his face drives Jiang Cheng mad. It’s reserved just for him, for these moments between them. He withdraws his fingers, ensconcing himself between Nie Huaisang’s legs. He lifts him and supports his thighs over his own.

While Jiang Cheng coats his cock in oil, Nie Huaisang spreads his knees widely, his legs wrapped around his waist, the balls of his feet pressing on the small of his back. He’s getting impatient, watching him prepare, taking a time they don’t have. He wants him inside so desperately a whine leaves his lips and Jiang Cheng glances at him. Shushing him, he aligns the tip of his cock, nudging in enough to steal a moan from both.

“Please, er gege,” Nie Huaisang says, hands into fists at both sides of his head, his hair an unmanageable sea mussed by their doing. The perfect black background to his fair complexion and the rouge hue shyly tinging his lips.

Jiang Cheng scoots even closer, sliding the tip inside. He’s sitting on his calves, his chest falling and raising. Nie Huaisang lets his knees fall on his own weight at both sides, but Jiang Cheng’s arms hold his thighs and keep him in place just for his cock. One thrust and he could slide in. He knows it’ll be pliant and will accommodate him as he always does. He loves seeing Nie Huaisang completely exposed, blushing in a state of feigned shyness waiting for him.

Sometimes he has made him beg, and it’s the sweetest thing that has ever reached his ears. Those whines and cries swell his cock and his pride. But not tonight. Tonight, he’s starved of him. Perhaps later when they’re both weary and spent, he’ll make him beg one last time for one more orgasm, for one more deep plunge of his cock. Right here and now, Jiang Cheng swivels his hips forward and sheathes inside his lover in a long glide.

His girth stretches him to the point of burning, feeling every inch entering him until Jiang Cheng bottoms-out and breathes out a grunt. They’ve both missed each other so much. “Yes, you’re tight,” Jiang Cheng moans, gathering all his self-control to stay still until Nie Huaisang relaxes around him.

“You can move, just move,” Nie Huaisang urges, his cheeks two red apples ripe for a bite.

Jiang Cheng chuckles, attempting a slight movement in and out of him. “We have all night.”

“We _only_ have tonight,” Nie Huaisang says. Jiang Cheng’s heart shatters. His hands caress his inner thighs, soothing any discomfort he might feel, his hips rocking at a leisurely pace, barely leaving the heat of his body. Droplets of oil smear down his cleft and wet the bed. Nie Huaisang grasps the pillow with one fist, needing to cling to something.

Jiang Cheng speeds up his pace, pulling out and sinking in deeper every time. Nie Huaisang fights to keep his eyes open. He wants to miss nothing of Jiang Cheng making love to him just how he would want him to do every night. His cock bounces against his stomach, and he wraps a hand around himself. Jiang Cheng leaves crescent moon indents on his thighs, keeping him in place to receive his onslaughts. He’s beyond reason now, mesmerized by Nie Huaisang and the never-ending moans coming out of him.

There’s an inherent beauty in how he breathes, in the ragged breath letting out a blue streak of enticing noises. He’s dragging them out with every plunge of his cock, and there’s nothing more rewarding to Jiang Cheng than his lover’s pleasure. His hands will leave bruises but he cannot stop, he slams into him while roving his eyes over the spectacle beneath him.

Nie Huaisang pumps his cock with urgency, those beautiful eyes hidden behind hooded lids, his mouth parted sultrily. He’s so close he can feel it in the desperate movements of his hand, in the trembling of his legs and the sinuous arch of his spine. Jiang Cheng keeps going, tiny droplets gathering at his forehead, feeling the heat of the exertion over his skin. Nothing would make him stop, not even to gasp for air. He’s not even pursuing his own climax, he’s bedazzled and heady by the beauty hugging tightly his cock and praising his doing.

His face twists in pleasure, dry moans leaving his lips in a blue streak. His body stiffens, and Nie Huaisang clenches around Jiang Cheng’s hard cock before he paints his belly and chest in white spurts. The subtle blush covers his upper body, his hand squeezing his cock as he rides out his orgasm with one last muttered gasp. Jiang Cheng admires that brief instant Nie Huaisang forgets the outer world and yields to the utmost pleasure. A mewl of satisfaction follows, and his cock twitches, still inside the gloriousness of his heat.

Nie Huaisang wets his lips, opening his eyes to grant Jiang Cheng a dopey smile that shines in the afterglow. “Oh,” he gasps, releasing his softened cock while glancing at Jiang Cheng buried balls-deep inside him but unmoving. “You didn’t finish.” Jiang Cheng nods, his hands easing the grip on his thighs. “You can… keep going.” He was so caught up in his own pleasure he never thought Jiang Cheng wouldn’t cum. He usually does, rushing Nie Huaisang’s orgasms. _Come for me, I can’t take it any longer,_ the telltale before Jiang Cheng spills inside him.

Jiang Cheng pulls out carefully, his cock throbbing and missing his warmth. He wraps a hand around himself. A tight fist that can’t compare to the wonders of his ass but that will do. He shushes Nie Huaisang before he can protest but it’s useless. “You didn’t like it? Is it me?”

Leaning forward, Jiang Cheng strokes his cock from hilt to tip, feeling already at the verge of orgasm. A hand on the bed near his waist, his eyes pinning Nie Huaisang to the mattress. “Nonsense,” he gasps. “You’re beautiful. I couldn’t stop watching you.” The corner of his mouth curls upward in a half-smile. Nie Huaisang cups his face, and Jiang Cheng leans into it tenderly, pursing his lips to kiss his palm while he moves his hand faster. It won’t take long until he adds to the mess on his stomach.

Nie Huaisang taught him to love, to be his best self for the person that rules his heart. Unmistakably the first in his heart. Jiang Cheng moans, his gaze moving from those parted lips to a pair of rosy nipples and then to the pearlescent pools of cum on his stomach. That does it for him, the thought of Nie Huaisang enjoying his cock as he fucked him, unabashed of his ogling but without putting a show. Genuine, sheer pleasure that he inflicted on him. Flustered and sweaty, his hand still on his cheek, Nie Huaisang watches attentively how Jiang Cheng wrinkles his eyes shut before he senses the hot gush of cum on his stomach. A smile stretches his lips.

Jiang Cheng groans, his hand pumping his cock in a tight fist. He rests his forehead on Nie Huaisang’s shoulder as he pants and tries to catch up his breath. “So beautiful…” he whispers, shuddering at the overstimulation.

“All yours,” Nie Huaisang whispers into his ear as though it was a secret just for the two. Because it is, and as heartbreaking as it sounds, it’s always been enough. Sharing this together, not minding the outside world in the least. Jiang Cheng puffs his breath on his neck and, after a few moments, he presses a kiss on his pulse point.

“Of course you are.” He smirks, sitting back on his calves again and admiring the mess he has made of Nie Huaisang. As much as he’s slightly embarrassed, he has enjoyed it a tad too much, and he turns beet red.

“Don’t stare!” Nie Huaisang whines, covering his eyes with his forearm unable to move as he lies on his back, his stomach a sticky mess.

“I’ll clean you up,” Jiang Cheng says, suppressing a chuckle. “Don’t move.” He leaps down the bed, grabbing a towel near the basin. He clicks his tongue when the water isn’t warm enough, but wets the towel and wrings the excess off. Nie Huaisang has a shy smile all over his lips, but allows him to wipe and clean his stomach and between his butt cheeks with no complain. “Good?” Nie Huaisang nods. He loves when Jiang Cheng takes care of him while he just lies there and watches him. The usual harshness of his eyes disappears and makes way for love. “Good,” Jiang Cheng quips, gliding his whole body -length on top of him. “Because I’m not done with you yet…”

Nie Huaisang strangled moan dies in a kiss. They brush their lips together languidly, unhurriedly, they have all night to sate their thirst and drown into each other.

Only one night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter won't be as long as this one but there will be flashbacks of their days studying at the Cloud Recesses including their *cough, cough* First Kiss *cough, cough*
> 
> See y'all next Thursday! ❤⃛ヾ(๑❛ ▿ ◠๑ )
> 
> Please, check this beautiful art of Nie Huaisang by [Mew](https://twitter.com/si_m_e_n_/status/1095283366948044801). I'm crying happy tears <33333 Go give them some love if you can! <3  
> Update: The lovely Sin drew Nie Huaisang inspired by my fic and I'm (۶ꈨຶꎁꈨຶ )۶ʸᵉᵃʰᵎ You can see it [here.](https://twitter.com/sinenceq/status/1115001754461134850) Please, show her some love!! <3


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're walking down memory lane on this one ٩(♡ε♡ )۶ I hope you like it and that the flashbacks aren't too annoying!
> 
> WARNING! (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄ Mind the tags, there's a smut scene at the end when they're sixteen so I've added the #Underage tag. It's not too explicit (not like my usual smut xD) but it's there. In case it's not your thing, feel free to skip this one ╭(♡･ㅂ･)و ̑̑

In the middle of the night, a hollow darkness invades his heart unmercifully. Memories of the past mixed with thirteen years of nightmares awaken him as though he had been struck by a lightning. Jiang Cheng straightens on the bed, drenched in sweat, eyes widely opened getting used to the surrounding darkness of his chambers. His ragged breath echoes in the room, and he blinks, trying to rally the sensations lurking his mind and robbing him of the peacefulness in which he fell asleep mere hours ago, exhausted.

“Huaisang,” he mumbles, noting his presence by his side. Amid his inner turmoil, the sight of Nie Huaisang acts as a balm. Wrapped in the thin sheets, hugging the pillow with both arms, and his face partly covered by thick strands of hair. Jiang Cheng tucks them behind his ear, smiling tenderly at the stillness of his lover, oblivious to his restless sleep. Covering his bare shoulder with the sheets, he wished it was that easy to shield him from the gruesomeness of the world. Many maidens would covet Nie Huaisang’s unattainable beauty even in his sleep. Long lashes fall upon his cheeks, his lips parted as he breathes calmly. Jiang Cheng could spend hours guarding his sleep, but the sour taste of his dream invites him to leave the bed. He’ll come back to him later, when he’s worth of his presence and not a rattled mess.

Without disturbing him, Jiang Cheng slides out of bed. The only way to shake the nightmares is in the coldness of the night. He throws a robe over his shoulders, covering his nakedness, and wanders toward the nearest balcony. The moon and the stars greet him as well as a gust of icy breeze. It’s at this moment when he regrets leaving the bed and the warm body by his side.

He clutches the robe over his chest as a sudden frisson runs through his body. But it has nothing to do with the wind. The emptiness of his nightmare conquers his heart, and it scares him. The loss, the loneliness, reviving again the horrors of his past. Nie Huaisang’s presence soothes his soul, but tonight he’s been sulking on the past and their relationship, giving free reign to his inner turmoil to startle him in his dreams.

Throughout the years, Jiang Cheng has lost so many dear people in his life that he has kept everyone at bay; everyone except Jin Ling and Nie Huaisang. His nephew brings him a daily headache, but he can see the joyful sparkle of his sister in him. The only family he has left. “What am I doing?” Jiang Cheng leans on the wooden structure, his eyes staring listlessly at the surroundings of Lotus Pier. He did it. He rebuilt the sect to what it was before the war, and yet in nights like this, it’s as though flames and corpses flooded the place. Shaking his head, Jiang Cheng forces himself to be in the present.

There was something different about his dream tonight. Usually, he would lose his parents, his sister, even Jin Ling in particularly cruel dreams that would prevent him to fall asleep again. But tonight, he dreamed of Nie Huaisang. He was chasing after him through a gloomy forest, but at every turn, he would disappear. It was disheartening, looking for him in the darkness, his sight impaired by the trees and a ghostly fog. His heart races again, refusing to revive the soul-tearing emotions of the nightmare. “Why?” Jiang Cheng sighs. A new form of pain to torture himself dreaming of losing Nie Huaisang. Seems like his brain knows the deeds of his heart and punishes him for every single one.

Love was never his priority, he would scowl and frown at Wei Wuxian for flirting with every girl crossing his path, but he would never play those games. It’s not that he was bad at flirting -he is- but that he hadn’t felt the warmth in his heart, the oh-so-called feeling that everybody talked about. Thinking of Wei Wuxian hardens his expression. “Not you tonight too…” His hands grip the handrail with white-knuckle force.

Gifting jewels and trinkets to pretty girls, wooing them for no apparent reason… that was never in his mind until he met Nie Huaisang. He appeared in his life when he went to study at the Cloud Recesses and all those silly things gained a new meaning. Jiang Cheng allows himself a lonely chuckle in the dark. He glances up at the nightly sky, remembering their youth.

The quietude of the Cloud Recesses overwhelmed him from time to time. With Wei Wuxian grounded in the Library Pavilion and not much to do around, Jiang Cheng wandered in the surrounding forest, kicking the pebbles on his way and being homesick. He had to make his parents proud and excel in his studies, but he knew working hard wouldn’t be enough. Lost in his thoughts, he reached farther than usual until he recognized a familiar face sitting comfortably underneath a _huangshan_ pine.

A half-smile crept up his face for no reason. He watched Nie Huaisang fanning himself lazily while reading, the sun seeping through the treetops and adding a notch to the scenery. Prowling toward him, Jiang Cheng waited until the last moment to greet him. “Huaisang-xiong!” He looked startled, closing the book quickly with a thump. “Are you studying?” Jiang Cheng stood closer, glancing down at him. He was slightly blushing. “Lan Qiren won’t come back for another two days.”

“Ah!” Nie Huaisang dithered whether he should stand up when Jiang Cheng sat by his side, shoulder to shoulder. “Studying, yes, re… reading,” he stuttered. Jiang Cheng thought the way he got nervous and covered his mouth with the folding fan was particularly adorable. He had seen that attitude in girls toward Wei Wuxian but never directed toward him.

A pregnant silence grew between them, and Jiang Cheng squinted at him, finding the usually very talkative Nie Huaisang a tad too quiet. “What do you have there?” Jiang Cheng asked, his eyes flicking to the book on his lap. “Let me see.” Nie Huaisang was so quick slamming a hand over the book that Jiang Cheng winced.

“Nothing, nothing,” he avoided the question. It was no secret that Nie Huaisang brought to the Cloud Recesses a collection of erotic books that entertained the disciples now and then. Jiang Cheng huffed, ready to stand and leave.

“You lend Wei Wuxian a lot of books and I can’t see this one?” he frowned, meeting Nie Huaisang’s gaze while a pang of unjustified jealousy churned his stomach. Jiang Cheng stood, but Nie Huaisang grasped his robes before he could get away.

“Cheng-xiong, wait!” Nie Huaisang yelped, glancing up at him with puppy eyes.

“What?” Jiang Cheng wasn’t any better then at gauging his mood than he is now. Nie Huaisang tugged at his garments, beckoning him to sit and Jiang Cheng complied. They had been friends and enjoyed the company of the other. He felt butterflies whenever Nie Huaisang was around and missed his presence when he secluded himself to try to improve his grades to no avail. He wasn’t the kind of company he was used to, but he craved it more than he would admit back then.

“It’s just…” Nie Huaisang rolled his eyes, murmuring the next words while trying to conceal the blush spreading on his cheeks. “I don’t think you’ll be interested in this one.” He was definitely not studying.

“I’ll judge that,” Jiang Cheng said, stretching his hand, palm facing the sky. The sly smile on Nie Huaisang’s lips was one he hadn’t seen until then, it prickled at the little hairs at his nape. He sensed the weight of the book in his hand but suddenly, an unexpected fear of peeking inside invaded him. The opened fan waved calmly in front of Nie Huaisang’s face and Jiang Cheng snorted, sure to find nothing to be scandalized in that book of his.

As expected, a risqué drawing greeted him. He turned his gaze to Nie Huaisang who hustled to hide behind his painted fan. Jiang Cheng noted the flying swallow and the background of drifting clouds. Undoubtedly, Nie Huaisang himself had decorated it with expertise. “You see, nothing out of the ordinary…” he said. But Jiang Cheng snorted, flipping through the pages and the beautiful maidens without paying much attention to them. Until he blinked twice and stared with eyes brimming with curiosity at one particular page.

“This is…” he babbled, unable to take his eyes off of the illustration. Nie Huaisang giggled, trying to steal the book from his hands. Jiang Cheng gently slapped his hand away. “Oh.” The gasp surprised him more than the dumbfounded Nie Huaisang. “I didn’t know you could…” he murmured, studying the set that portrayed two men together. Far from disgusted, his curiosity spiked, and he cleared his throat to mask it.

“There are more girls at the end,” Nie Huaisang said, stretching his hand to turn the page when Jiang Cheng dodged his hand and moved the book out of his reach. “Unless you are interested in boys.” Jiang Cheng swallowed audibly. He didn’t know what he was interested in, he hadn’t met someone that awakened in him these sensations yet. Or so he thought. Nie Huaisang leaned into him, pressing himself against his shoulder. His heart leaped and his breath seized. It had nothing to do with the suggestive images -that also awakened his interest- but with Nie Huaisang’s proximity. He was so close the gentle breeze of his fan reached him too, calming down the heat burning his cheeks.

Jiang Cheng breathed in, noting the distinctive scent of Nie Huaisang magnified tenfold by their closeness. Musky mulberries. His black hair shone in the sunlight, his eyes a hazel brown glancing down at the book, but then those lips. Plump, rosy lips that stretched in a naughty smile. He wet them, and Jiang Cheng swallowed thickly. How could he suddenly swoon in delight at features that he never found alluring nor remarkable in anyone in the first place? Even so when they had him mesmerized as though he had opened his eyes to a new world. The next time he met his gaze, Nie Huaisang was glancing at him with unwavering eyes. “Are you?” he whispered.

“What?” Jiang Cheng had forgotten his birth name by then.

“Nevermind,” Nie Huaisang waved his hand and hid behind his fan, but his eyes never left Jiang Cheng’s not for a second.

“You like boys?” Jiang Cheng asked him.

“Oh, well…” Nie Huaisang hesitated. “I don’t know.” Liar, he knew but tested the waters. Even now Jiang Cheng smiles inwardly and congratulates Nie Huaisang for portraying the perfect image of candidness while trying to find out the interests of his heart. He has always been better reading him than himself. “It’s not a secret that I do, is it, Cheng-xiong?”

Jiang Cheng turned beet red at how Nie Huaisang spoke to him. It wasn’t a whisper nor a murmur, it was so much more and it curled his stomach nice and warm. What if he liked boys? What if he liked the boy right beside him? But he couldn’t bring himself up to say anything. Upon seeing this, Nie Huaisang sighed in disappointment. “I’m sorry I couldn’t save you the trouble,” he said, trying to get ahold of the book that Jiang Cheng had clutched between his now clammy hands.

“Let me look a little more,” Jiang Cheng whispered, clearing his throat and turning the page to stare at another revealing -and sort of instructive- set of illustrations. Nie Huaisang giggled and Jiang Cheng turned around to look at him. He snuggled closer into his body as though he was pleased with his company and the conversation. He did it so casually neither of them felt uncomfortable. “You kept this book just for yourself, didn’t you?” Jiang Cheng teased. Covering his face with his fan, Nie Huaisang chuckled, and Jiang Cheng frowned, suddenly annoyed at the barrier between him and his peerless smile. “Don’t do that.” Nie Huaisang blinked when Jiang Cheng grasped his wrist and moved the fan away from his face. “You’re always covering yourself.”

The blush crept up to Nie Huaisang’s complexion while Jiang Cheng turned another shade of red, swiftly averting his gaze to conceal his recently unleashed infatuation. That sweet smile of Nie Huaisang is still his utmost weakness. He hadn’t lied, there were girls too, pretty maidens with hair longer than their height, with their backs bared to prying eyes and the hands of their lovers. Nie Huaisang sighed distractedly. “You’d be beautiful with long hair too,” Jiang Cheng blurted out. “Not that you aren’t already! I mean…”

A clear laugh echoed in the forest. “Are you flirting with me, Cheng-xiong?” Nie Huaisang said with a mischievous smile while Jiang Cheng cursed inwardly, trying to think how to get out of this mess. Of course, he would be pretty with long hair, he was already pretty! But how could he consider it as flirting? Seeing how he acted as though the cat had gotten his tongue, Nie Huaisang leaned his head over his shoulder and fanned his face tenderly. “You can borrow the book if you want.” For the first time in his life, Jiang Cheng felt he had made someone happy with a heartfelt praise. And not anybody but Nie Huaisang.

His hair flutters in the wind when a gust of cold air slaps his face and brings him back to the present. Jiang Cheng chuckles, the embarrassment of that afternoon still tinges his cheeks with a pink hue. How easy was life back then! They had no worries and war hadn’t tarnished their youth yet. Jiang Cheng removes the hair tie gathering his hair in a bun, unfolding the braids at the sides and letting his short hair fall over his shoulders. He should come back to bed and stop dwelling on the past. But truth is, the good memories of Nie Huaisang are like a balm to his soul in moments like this, and knowing he’s peacefully sleeping in the bed warms his heart.

Rolling Zidian in his finger, Jiang Cheng dives into a striking memory of the two. It didn’t take long until they were casually hanging out at that same place every other evening. Jiang Cheng would bring a book to study or would distract himself listening to Nie Huaisang’s stories. One afternoon, Nie Huaisang was reading poems out loud while Jiang Cheng rested his head on his lap. He had turned down another incursion to Gusu in favor of studying, but what he truly wanted is Nie Huaisang just for himself for a whole afternoon.

As the loving words came out in Nie Huaisang’s melodic voice, Jiang Cheng wondered that as much time as they spent together, they hadn’t gone farther than holding hands. Whenever he plotted to steal a kiss from him, he felt so flooded by embarrassment that his first instinct was to run away and live another day. And he had had a lot of chances in which Nie Huaisang had glanced at him behind hooded lids, slightly blushing, lips parted, waiting for him to close the distance and take his mouth. But Jiang Cheng hadn’t dared even if the motto of his sect played in his mind in a loop. It was turning into an itch he needed to scratch because he also knew Nie Huaisang wanted it.

Nie Huaisang fingers trapped a dandelion that lay on his chest. It crumbled in the wind leaving white stems all over the purple robes. Jiang Cheng took his hand, noting a brief pause in the reciting that soon continued in a trembling voice. He traced the lines of his palm, following the delicacy of his fingers with his own until their hands interlaced together. Jiang Cheng noted Nie Huaisang had gone silent again and kissed his knuckles, thrashing his head back to look at him. “Why have you stopped?” Nie Huaisang rested the book on his lap, smiling at him. “Am I distracting you?”

Jiang Cheng granted him a boyish smile, brushing Nie Huaisang’s fingertips over his lips. He gasped cutely but traced his lips at a leisurely pace as though he wanted to learn them by heart. “You are,” Nie Huaisang said. Jiang Cheng straightened, swiveling about to face him. They were so close he could tell the pink on his cheeks had nothing to do with the sun.

“Have you ever kissed someone?” Jiang Cheng asked.

“Why would you ask me that?” Nie Huaisang pursed his lips, toying with Jiang Cheng’s collar while avoiding the question. “You already know.” And then it happened. Jiang Cheng had been thinking about it for far too long. He was sure Wei Wuxian had kissed at least three girls even though he had no proof and he refused to confess or give details. But Jiang Cheng didn’t want to kiss random girls. In his dreams, he wondered how would be to kiss Nie Huaisang. He drowned into his hazel eyes, riveting his gaze over the gentle features of his face until it laid on his lips. He closed the distance between them until they breathed the same air; until he could only close his eyes to prevent his embarrassment and the urge to run away. There was no going back now. “Are you…?” Nie Huaisang gasped before Jiang Cheng pressed their lips together. He didn’t think too far ahead.

They were warm, and so tender he was lightheaded. Nie Huaisang froze, pursing his lips, and Jiang Cheng leaned forward until his head tapped the trunk of the tree. He cursed his sloppiness, but Nie Huaisang sobbed, parting his mouth until Jiang Cheng could taste the sweetness of the candies they had been having earlier. Aware of the raising and falling of his chest, he backed off, ashamed of that sloppy kiss guided by inexperience. His heart thumped so insistently he was sure it covered the chirping of the birds and the background noise of the creek.

“I can do better,” he whispered, knitting his eyebrows. Nie Huaisang chuckled, cupping his face tenderly. And Jiang Cheng fell in an instant, his stomach clenching as though he was looking down a cliff but he was facing his soul-warming smile. Irremediably in love. He had just stolen their first kiss and a half-smile curled the corner of his mouth upward. Nie Huaisang sighed, pressing their foreheads together as though he wanted another kiss already. “Did I meet your expectations? I told you I can do better.” Jiang Cheng needed to hear what his eyes and smile revealed without words.

“You exceeded them all,” Nie Huaisang whispered into his mouth. The next time their lips brushed together and their mouths parted, the nicest of feelings trickled down his spine like honey. It still chases him today. They melted into the kiss, exploring, tasting; soft bites and wet tongues mingling in their mouths while a red string wrapped their hearts together.

Many more kisses came after their first. Drunken, stolen, in the middle of the day or the darkness of the night; a myriad of moments in which nothing made sense until Nie Huaisang crumbled in his arms and yielded to his relentless mouth. And if he was beautiful when he smiled, he was a work of art flustered and with swollen, spit-licked lips. According to Nie Huaisang, he was such a good kisser that Jiang Cheng aimed to please all his whims only to hear those words. And with that, they succumbed to their love with a teenage eagerness that seemed to never fade.

 _Not even now,_ Jiang Cheng wonders. What seemed like a hide and seek game, pretending in front of the other disciples and sneaking around for a taste of their lips was a fun distraction until it stopped being fun. They’re not kids anymore, they shouldn’t be playing these games any longer. And for what? To make things easier? Things are never easier than when they’re together. Jiang Cheng sighs.

The guilt of not doing justice to what they have churns his stomach once more. There are things from his past he cannot change and will chase him forever, but this he can. He loves him in the shadows as though it was a crime when Nie Huaisang is one of the two joys of his life. He should be honoring what they are and what they share and not bringing him to his residence disguised as someone else at ungodly hours. Everyone advises him to take a wife and that Lotus Pier needs a mistress. Jiang Cheng already knows not a single maiden can’t hold a candle to Nie Huaisang.

Everything he wants in a wife Nie Huaisang doubles it. From his natural beauty and gracefulness to his background and cultivation. It may not be the highest but he makes up for both. He could protect him, take care of him how Nie Huaisang needs him to. They suit together and the many years Nie Huaisang has put up with his nonsense proves it. “I can be such an asshole sometimes,” Jiang Cheng mumbles, letting out another hearty sigh. He hates himself when he realizes he’s afraid of losing Nie Huaisang but at the same time concerned of what others would say at their union. It’s frustrating how he can turn into an insecure teenager even when he’s a successful Sect leader respected and feared in the cultivational world.

Jiang Cheng clicks his tongue, taken aback by his own gloomy thoughts. After one last glance at the training field, he lets go of the railing and comes back inside. As soon as he enters his bedroom, he finds Nie Huaisang huddled closer to his side as though he was looking for his warmth even in his sleep. It swells his heart, and it makes him feel even more stupid. He should have followed his heart a long time ago instead of getting lost in rules that don’t apply to them anymore. What if Nie Huaisang finds someone else? Someone that isn’t scared of loving him in the open, willing to give whatever he needs without restraint. Jiang Cheng wants to be that someone even if it comes too late. Thinking of Nie Huaisang finding happiness without him brings a furrow between his eyebrows. But he quickly overcomes the pang of jealousy he has inflicted on himself, removing his robe and sliding underneath the sheets. He caresses Nie Huaisang’s cheek with his knuckles.

The thing with keeping something secret is that you own nothing, and Jiang Cheng felt mortified at the rumors circulating about Nie Huaisang being a cut-sleeve and having a new friend or acquaintance here and there. Especially with the endless visits to the Lanling Jin Sect. They made him burst in a fit of anger and jealousy that ended up in frustration at himself for not being brave enough to face his feelings and formalize their relationship. But that was years ago, right after the war, when he was too busy rebuilding Lotus Pier and fighting with Wei Wuxian, and Nie Huaisang had to assume the leadership of the Qinghe Nie Sect. How could they have committed to this back then? Impossible.

As much as they were a pillar for the other, Jiang Cheng is still ashamed that he couldn’t give Nie Huaisang what he deserved and instead, offered a shady tryst. It helped them overcome many episodes of their lives, but it wasn’t the best he had to offer. _Isn’t that what I’m still doing?_ Jiang Cheng sighs, regret shrinking his heart at being the worst kind of coward.

Jiang Cheng has always been jealous and competitive. His mother instilled in him a constant fear of never being good enough and of course, it transferred to his relationship with Nie Huaisang. Upon seeing sleep won’t catch up with him tonight, Jiang Cheng dwells on how his unjustified jealousy has turned into a fear of losing him that would be a lot simpler to solve by keeping Nie Huaisang by his side.

After their first kiss, Jiang Cheng was aware of Nie Huaisang’s presence and vice versa. They spent a lot of time together but scarce time alone just the two. One afternoon, as usual, he was practicing his swordsmanship with Wei Wuxian. But the innocent exercises of repeatedly lunging in the air quickly turned into a striking of swords, spiritual energy, and laughs. Fighting without permission was forbidden in the Cloud Recesses, but Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian missed the bursting activity of Lotus Pier and the physical exertions compared to the Gusu Lan Sect’s teachings that focused more on spiritual energy and thorough knowledge. And an inhuman amount of one-hand stands.

Near a creek, splashing water at every somersault and both their bared torsos shining in the sun, Sandu and Suibian flashed against the other while the two young masters bickered in the middle of fighting. There would be usually a small crowd watching, a couple of disciples intrigued by the Twins Heroes of Yunmeng or bored guest-disciples. That day, Nie Huaisang joined them and Jiang Cheng’s heart leaped upon seeing him. He couldn’t tell when he had arrived, but his blue eyes spotted him nearby and he lost his balance at a precise lunge from Wei Wuxian. He toppled over, dropping a knee to the ground to steady himself and block Suibian’s next slash.

“Don’t worry,” Wei Wuxian said. “I’ll carry you on my back if you get hurt!”

“Wei Wuxian!” he muttered while gritting his teeth. Jiang Cheng pushed upward with all his strength. Little leaves and pebbles flying everywhere around them because of a gust of spiritual energy. Once he had won the previously lost terrain back, Jiang Cheng glanced at Nie Huaisang who swiftly hid behind the folding fan. He was definitely not missing a single detail!

“It’s not my fault if you’re distracted,” Wei Wuxian teased. In a single foot jump, Wei Wuxian twirled in the air and landed at his back. But after a childhood training together, Jiang Cheng knew the trick. Without turning, he sent a precise thrust with Sandu where Wei Wuxian would be and forced him to dodge his sword to avoid a hit. Wei Wuxian retreated with a smug smile while a couple of disciples whispered in awe at the spectacle. Deep in his heart, Jiang Cheng hoped one of those gasps was from Nie Huaisang.

They carried the sword training sessions clandestinely, that’s why they fought in the forest instead of the training field -and surely to prevent a scolding from Lan Qiren- but, no matter how, someone would find them following the ruckus. It’s not that there was much to do in the Lan Residence beside meditating and studying. Jiang Cheng smiled back to Wei Wuxian, and the fight resumed. They usually stopped when they were too tired and sweaty after fighting for hours under the sun, but both seemed to have extra energy to spend that day.

While nimbly counter attacking Wei Wuxian’s sword, Jiang Cheng glimpsed at Nie Huaisang at every opportunity. “The fight is here!” Wei Wuxian chuckled, teasing and getting on his nerves. But he was distracted, Nie Huaisang couldn’t fool him as much as he tried to hide behind the unfolded fan. His eyes flicked from Jiang Cheng to Wei Wuxian and in that brief instant, his stomach churned in a pang of jealousy. He had to win and be the best, today especially because Nie Huaisang was watching him. Jiang Cheng laughs now at his younger self and the feeble grudges he stuck to in the past, but at sixteen years old this was a life or death battle.

“I’m going to kick your ass, Wei Wuxian!” Jiang Cheng was exhausted, but no more than Wei Wuxian himself. He flicked his feet on the ground, both hands grasping the hilt of his sword with white-knuckle force while leaping forward. He could feel his warmed-up skin drenched in sweat under the sun, cold droplets of water prickling his skin as he lunged in the middle of his attack. The creek spread by the aura of spiritual energy guiding the attack. As much strength he used, it wasn’t deadly. They were used to fighting against the other, knowing their every move, rarely surprising each other, much less aiming to harm. Wei Wuxian had more stamina for a long fight and was surprisingly adaptive, but Jiang Cheng was more precise and thoughtful in his attacks, gauging his strength unless his inner turmoil took over. But that day, Nie Huaisang infused him with both.

Wei Wuxian yelped and stopped him -as expected- but retreated a few inches and Jiang Cheng smiled smugly. He infused Sandu with spiritual energy to prevent Wei Wuxian to counter-attack with Suibian, while Nie Huaisang’s eyes on him prickled all the little hairs at his nape. The memory of Wei Wuxian’s smile acknowledging the strength of his attack shrinks his heart. Thinking of him always unleashes an inner uproar in a mixture of ire, deep regret, and desire for revenge. How do you get revenge from someone who’s dead? Before Jiang Cheng goes to a dark place, he wrinkles his eyes shut.

Both panting and sweaty, the fight wasn’t nearly over. They shared a moment of respite before the storm unleashed again, but a sudden movement behind them caught their attention. Several disciples scattered around, leaving the clearing between murmurs when the pristine presence of Lan Wangji startled them. Wei Wuxian cursed and Jiang Cheng chuckled, sheathing Sandu in its scabbard and preparing a scold for Wei Wuxian.

“Lan Zhan!” He waved at him effusively, but all he got was a huff and a glare. “He ignored me again…”

“I told you we shouldn’t train here as we do back home,” Jiang Cheng said, the cold breeze giving him goosebumps even under a shining sun. In a swift movement, Wei Wuxian picked his upper garments up the floor and scooted after Lan Wangji. “Wei Wuxian! Where are you going?”

He turned around while running backward. “To plead for our lives so we don’t get punished.” It wouldn’t work, Jiang Cheng knew. He could only hope the punishment for excessive training wouldn’t be more hand-stands. “See you later!”

“We’re not done yet!” Jiang Cheng shouted, clicking his tongue when the key to his plan to impress Nie Huaisang disappeared behind the trees.

“You won, you won.” The last words were barely audible. Wei Wuxian ran off to catch Lan Wangji, forgetting about the training, the duel, and his shidi all in one moment. Jiang Cheng sighed, noting how at the sight of Hanguang-jun, every disciple had conveniently left the place. A sly smile crept up his lips when he saw Nie Huaisang fanning himself under the shadow of a tree. Except for one.

Jiang Cheng crouched near the creek, splashing fresh water over his reddened face. He picked his upper garments from the ground with no intention to wear them. Sauntering by, he wore nothing more than the lower part of his purple uniform and luscious intentions. The adrenaline of the fight boosted his ego and judging by how Nie Huaisang covered his face with the folding fan, he hoped he was blushing underneath. “Aren’t you scared of being punished by Lan Wangji?”

Nie Huaisang waved the fan playfully, revealing a subtle blush and a sweet smile. As though he had dismissed the question, he spoke: “It’s so hot here at this hour…”

“And what brought you here?” Jiang Cheng dropped his clothes unceremoniously on a bundle, his left hand on Sandu’s hilt. He hadn’t had the chance to kiss Nie Huaisang today. The morning readings stretched on until well into lunch and then Wei Wuxian snatched him for some sword practice. If it had been for him, Jiang Cheng would have tumbled Nie Huaisang behind the bushes to ravish him for the next hour, but he knew how much he enjoyed those back-and-forth games.

“Looking for a quiet place to study,” Nie Huaisang said. His eyes riveted over the length of his bare torso and the appreciative sidelong curled Jiang Cheng’s stomach nice and warm.

“I didn’t know you could study from unopened books,” Jiang Cheng teased, his eyes flicking at the bundle of books resting at Nie Huaisang’s feet. He disguised his feigned offense at the remark behind his fan and reclined back on the tree trunk. “Weren’t you checking me out as I practiced my swordsmanship?” Jiang Cheng took a step closer, his hand casually resting on the scratchy surface of the tree. “Or Wei Wuxian?” He narrowed his eyes.

Nie Huaisang closed the fan with a twist of his wrist. “Wei-xiong?” he chuckled. “I definitely was studying the intricacies of the golden core and the spiritual energy flow.” Every word enhanced his lie purposefully, but he still didn’t answer his question and Jiang Cheng inched forward, his eyes piercing him in place. He was awfully aware, as of now, of how his proximity turned his body into jelly but also sharpened Nie Huaisang’s mind.

“Then you weren’t looking at me either?” Jiang Cheng locked eyes with him, his fingers fidgeting over Sandu’s hilt.

“Swords and such have never interested me,” Nie Huaisang said as a withheld smile menaced to stretch his lips.

“I know.” Jiang Cheng towered over him, their chests brushing, the heat emanating from his skin surely enveloping Nie Huaisang. “But if that were the case, I could help you practice.”

“I already have an older brother to chase after me sword in hand,” Nie Huaisang teases, a smile unfolding on his lips. Nie Mingjue infused fear when forcing his own ideas about how to be a renowned cultivator and an assiduous student, but Nie Huaisang always joked about it behind his back. “Don’t make me call you Jiang er gege…” Jiang Cheng turned beet red at the suggestion, trying to hide it behind a veil of self-sufficiency.

“It must’ve been something else what caught your eye…” His fingers moved from his sword to his chin, his knuckles tilting his head upward. Those seemingly innocent hazel eyes glanced at him in awe.

Nie Huaisang pressed a hand on his chest, not minding the lack of clothes, nor the coat of sweat leaving it slightly sticky after a while cooling in the shade. “Are you going to make me say it?” His fingers snatched together, tracing down his sternum and sending a frisson right through his spine. Nie Huaisang escaped his gaze, his eyes roving over his bared skin a bit too hungrily.  Jiang Cheng was not used to this kind of shameless attention, but he would soon realize he would long for it, day or night, as long as it came from Nie Huaisang. When he wet his lips with the rosy tip of his tongue, Jiang Cheng lost it.

He pinned Nie Huaisang against the tree, his body from his hips to his chest pressing against him and preventing him to run away. If someone had interrupted them, they would’ve had a hard time explaining, but that’s the last thing that crossed his mind back then. The handheld fan tapped his foot when it fell, and Jiang Cheng held back a mischievous smile before he trapped Nie Huaisang’s lips into his own in a salty, wet kiss that left him breathless way too soon.

By now, Jiang Cheng had learned to glide his tongue languidly over Nie Huaisang’s lips to part his mouth and sneak inside. His taste was his favorite thing, how he trembled and struggled to breathe while he brushed his shy tongue. But Jiang Cheng already knew Nie Huaisang was in charge, that he took only what he allowed, that he did only the things he had learned from him. He was an avid apprentice and proved it over and over, even now. The stolen kisses tasted better than any others, and Jiang Cheng didn’t stop feasting on his mouth until Nie Huaisang moaned and his lips were flushed red and swollen.

“You’re sweaty,” he gasped, clinging to his neck with both arms. Their noses brushed, their spit-licked lips collided in more tender-hearted pecks as they stopped to draw breath. Jiang Cheng chuckled, trying to step away, but Nie Huaisang pouted and pushed him onward. He hid his face in the crook of his neck, mapping his skin in dainty kisses and resisting the temptation to bite and suckle only to listen to Nie Huaisang’s protests. “Would you be jealous if I had been looking at Wei Wuxian?”

Jiang Cheng felt a pang of jealousy and clenched his teeth around a mouthful of his flesh, suckling and eliciting a needy whine from Nie Huaisang. He didn’t release until he was sure a purple hickey in the shape of his mouth would be there for the next few days. “Were you?” he whispered. Still now, Jiang Cheng is sure a mischievous smile stretched Nie Huaisang’s lips.

“I have no eyes for other than Cheng-xiong,” Nie Huaisang whispered, silver tongue saying what he needed to hear every time. “Are you jealous?”

Of course he was! Jiang Cheng brushed his lips over his skin as he spoke. “Shut up.” In a futile attempt to escape the conversation he had started, Jiang Cheng chased Nie Huaisang’s mouth, letting his tongue out to lick his lips.

“I'm not a game, you really care,” Nie Huaisang whispered, earning a soft bite on his lower lip. Jiang Cheng felt the red come up his cheeks under those eyes. Nie Huaisang escaped his teeth, his lips owning the kiss and guiding his eagerness to the kind of kisses he liked. His fingers tapped playfully at his nape, his body arched beautifully against his own, awakening more than what they should while being vulnerable to prying eyes. “Don’t be jealous,” he poured into his mouth. “I’m yours.”

“And when we have to come back home?” Jiang Cheng voiced the worries of his heart and it sunk deep in his stomach.

“Always means always.” Those would be the words Jiang Cheng would repeat in his mind whenever the pain of being apart drowned him in longing. They still comfort him now, many years later.

But at that moment, Jiang Cheng could only kiss and spend his frustration in those abused, swollen lips that knew what to say to soothe his heart and mind. Distant conversations and voices reached their ears, but they seemed not to care as Nie Huaisang melted into his arms and mouth. Jiang Cheng drank every little moan coming out of him. “We should…” Jiang Cheng said, struggling to find the words. _We should stop_ . He didn’t want to stop. _Someone could see us_. As if he cared when Nie Huaisang, breathless and flustered, sneaked a hand between them, traveling from his bared torso and down his stomach. Jiang Cheng’s eyes widened in disbelief but he did nothing to stop him when the hand hovered over his groin in a feather-like caress.

“A-Sang…”

“Come to my room tonight,” Nie Huaisang whispered into his mouth, his hand palming the hardness he could barely hide after the many kisses shared between them. Even now, he curses at the needy moan that came out of his lips the first time Nie Huaisang touched him so intimately. But no shame prevented him from swaying his hips forward, pursuing the trembling hand exploring his length through the trousers.

“How am I…” he stuttered shyly. “… going to sneak around after curfew?” Jiang Cheng’s world turned upside down, realizing the power Nie Huaisang had over his will and actions. A flick of his lashes, a pout, loving words whispered only for his ears and he would follow him to hell and back.

“You’ll figure it out, er gege…”

“Don’t call me that,” Jiang Cheng said, dragging his lips over his mouth, his hips rocking into that shy hand that had nothing of innocent and fumbled more into the shamelessness. He was at the verge of letting go, of succumbing in front of Nie Huaisang to what he usually did alone at night thinking about him. Hiding his shame in the crook of his neck, he puffed his hot breath and wrinkled his eyes shut at the unbearable pleasure coiling down in his groin. He was so conflicted, it felt so good but was so wrong. Anyone could come across them and how would he explain this sinful, spring rutting.

“I’ll make your efforts worthwhile…” Nie Huaisang whispered before he trapped his earlobe into his mouth and suckled. Jiang Cheng still gets aroused reminiscing that moment between them. Equally thrilled and ashamed at how Nie Huaisang shamelessly sneaked his hand inside his trousers and wrapped it around him. It was the same he had done countless time but also so very different it curled his stomach in an unexpected knot of pleasure. His fists tightly pressed against the tree, his face still hidden in the crook of his neck, sparing tender-hearted kisses while he bucked up against him goaded by desperation.

“Don’t stop,” Jiang Cheng whispered as he drowned in embarrassment. Nie Huaisang squeezed out of him his self-control at every twist of his hand; at every tight stroke that knew exactly how to pull his strings right. Restrained, sloppy movements, two breaths panting in unison, two hearts beating at the rhythm of unabashed love. The kind of love that runs you over and crushes you in an instant. Moments like this, just the two, hidden behind a tree, unplanned, as natural as their love. Jiang Cheng grasped Nie Huaisang’s wrist a tad too late, and with a loud groan, he came in his hand, ruining his undergarments. He stayed stock still, trying to control his ragged breath and reveling in the wobbly legs and slack body left after his sudden release.

A soft kiss pressed on his neck brought him back to the present. “Are you okay?” An amused whisper in his ear. That was the moment Jiang Cheng confirmed he would never be more than putty in Nie Huaisang’s hands.

“Tonight,” Jiang Cheng said. The words exclaiming his love remained inside deep in his heart, his arms wrapping around Nie Huaisang while he held him close and tenderly for a little while. More kisses, more chuckles, more moments stolen in a life that would prove to be harsher than they had thought. He would never forget that night. Jiang Cheng smiles while the good memories take his worries away.

Nie Huaisang writhes, opening his eyes a slit and moving to snuggle against his chest. Jiang Cheng throws both arms around him tenderly, pulling him close. His warmth envelopes him and makes him feel safe and cared for so easily they should be sharing the bed every night. After the reminiscing and rambling, Jiang Cheng has come to the conclusion that Nie Huaisang deserves better than he’s been giving since they got involved with each other. He has put up with so much for him throughout the years that Jiang Cheng knows no one could understand him as he does. He had an excuse back then, banishing love from his life while he was immersed in war and revenge, but what’s his excuse now?

“Where were you?” Nie Huaisang mumbles half asleep. He buries his face in Jiang Cheng’s chest, his hands caressing his back while his thigh sneaks between his legs. He misses him every day, so he will make sure that Jiang Cheng doesn’t escape from the bed for the rest of the night.

“A-Sang…” Jiang Cheng calls, kissing the crown of his head, but Nie Huaisang is long gone dozing in his arms again. “Can I do right by you after all this time?” A whisper in the night that reaches only his ears, an unspoken but well-known truth between them. “Will you have me?” Nie Huaisang’s faint snoring brings a smile to his lips but an unavoidable slumber finally conquers his brain. Jiang Cheng closes his eyes, succumbing to it. But before he falls asleep, he swears he has noted a sob and a subtle squeeze around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed it! I don't know who was more conflicted in this chapter if Jiang Cheng or I xDDDD Poor thing! Just tell him you cannot live without him!! (੭ु˙꒳˙)੭ु⁾⁾
> 
> Next week it's the Wangxian week (12-19) *throws confetti* ヽ(･ω･ゞ) I already have fics for 3 days (and a half) and I'm working hard to participate as much as I can. My goal is to do every day because, you know, "Everyday is everyday" ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°) (Let's see if I don't die trying lol) So, the final chapter for this fic will be posted on February 21. It's 50% done but I want to finish and edit it properly and not in a rush.
> 
> You can check the details on their Twitter [WangXian Week](https://twitter.com/wangxianweek)
> 
> Thank you so much!!! See y'all in a bit ❤⃛ヾ(๑❛ ▿ ◠๑ )


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy! ❤⃛ヾ(๑❛ ▿ ◠๑ )

Before he opens his eyes, Jiang Cheng breathes in Nie Huaisang’s heady scent of mulberries and sex. He nuzzles against his hair, not minding the subtle tickling and, instead, snuggles into him, skin against skin. Jiang Cheng fell asleep after the nightmare comforted by Nie Huaisang’s presence. It’s still early in the day, and he opens his eyes a slit to realize the morning light is still blueish and dim. They have time before his obligations snatch him from Nie Huaisang’s side.

His stomach churns at the many insecurities that lurked his mind last night. He unconsciously hugs Nie Huaisang closer to him, sneaking a leg between his thighs and hoping to wake him up to share more moments with him. Jiang Cheng maps his side from his shoulder to his waist and, pushing the sheets aside, he fondles the lush curve of his ass. Removing the thin barrier, he reveals his nudeness. His eyes, now used to the light, swoon at the sight. Jiang Cheng notes a slight movement and traces his neck and shoulder in dainty kisses to wish him a good morning. He wished he was to wake him up like this every day or, knowing Nie Huaisang is a sleepyhead, just watching him sleep until the day arose.

His body arches in a sinuous curve, awakening his morning wood when Nie Huaisang purposefully presses back into him. Jiang Cheng’s lips stretch in a smirk, his fingers tracing the dimples of his back and traveling down in between his butt cheeks. He finds his ass tender from last night’s exertions. There is no way he can keep pretending to be asleep any longer.

Nie Huaisang senses a pair of fingers stroking down his rim and lets out a sleepy moan. Jiang Cheng’s leg keeps his thighs spread enough to dip inside. The red comes up his cheeks at the dripping sensation of cum and oil, but he arches back into it, his cock half-hard by the intimate caress and the prospect of a hungry lover demanding his fair share of morning love. “Are you awake?” Jiang Cheng whispers. His middle finger darts in and out of him without difficulty, stealing the room from the peaceful silence of the early morning with wet noises and sudden gasps and whines.

“Hm…” Nie Huaisang reaches behind with his hand, sneaking it between them to envelop Jiang Cheng’s hard length in his fist. His mind is still foggy after a deep rest and sweet dreams. A whine escapes his lips at the swelling hardness in his hand. He hasn’t even opened his eyes and Jiang Cheng already claims his body and has snatched him from his slumber. Not that he minds in the least. He squeezes his cock, noting how Jiang Cheng breathes hot and long into his nape.

A frisson runs through Jiang Cheng at the warm hand and the welcoming ass taking his fingers with ease. He swipes his tongue repeatedly over his nape, wetting the little hairs there while he rocks his hips to get a much-needed friction on his cock. Nie Huaisang’s slender, feminine hand feels so soft he could get off like this. But it’d be a shame… “A-Sang,” Jiang Cheng pleads, whispering into his ear before he traps the lobe into his mouth and suckles.

“Get inside me,” Nie Huaisang says, thrashing his head back and arching his ass up. Those fingers are not nearly enough for what he needs right now. He lets go of Jiang Cheng’s cock to grab his own butt cheek and spread himself for him.

Jiang Cheng peeks down at the -almost- selfless offering, grabbing himself in hand to fumble his way in. He nudges with the tip of his cock right into his hole. “Will you always give me what I want?” Jiang Cheng mumbles.

“It is what I want too,” Nie Huaisang teases, hiding a smug smile on the pillow and waiting impatiently for his lover to slide home. Jiang Cheng swipes his tongue over the shell of his ear, swiveling his hips forward, and sinking in an inch. His ass hugs him tightly, Nie Huaisang moaning and pushing back to meet his ruthless thrust.

“You’re like being home,” Jiang Cheng whispers. “All the good things. The safest place, -he rocks into him in a sinuous sway- my dreams come true…” Nie Huaisang blushes at how the safety of the dim light and the confused mind of an early morning gives Jiang Cheng free reign. He says all the things he always wanted to ear, filling his heart with the requited love he craves. This is a side of him no one knows except for him; the side that made him fall in love.

“Then give me more,” Nie Huaisang whines. Jiang Cheng toys with him, pulling all the way out and thrusting forward, missing and sliding against his inner thigh. “Wanyin!” Jiang Cheng chuckles at the childish moan, nibbling at his ear while he helps himself with his hand and finds his way inside him. He sheathes in, but not nearly as deep as Nie Huaisang wants.

“Is it good?” Jiang Cheng whispers. “I can go find the oil…” he teases as if there were any need of it when his ass is pliant and filled with the proofs of last night’s lust.

“Don’t you dare,” Nie Huaisang says. It is as if Jiang Cheng could see the pout on his lips and the blush spreading on his cheeks. He moves Nie Huaisang’s hand away and kneads his butt cheek while lunging forward. The position is frustrating enough that he cannot bottom-out, going only as deep every time. It makes him go slowly, noting how his ass squeezes him all the way in and out. “Please,” Nie Huaisang moans, his face buried in the pillow.

Jiang Cheng keeps his slow-killing pace, working his way in with a sway of his hips, and dragging his cock out until only the tip is inside. His hole is slick and wet, his heat unbearable. His heart pounds into his chest, urging him to own, to take what it’s his and mark his lover once more. “What do you want?” he whispers into his ear, his voice still raspy, his morning wood in the best of moods shoved where it belongs.

“Harder,” he moans. “Deeper.” Jiang Cheng moves his hand to the front, finding Nie Huaisang’s hand in a fist around his own cock. He moves it away, taking it himself for a long stroke from hilt to tip. He’s so close, the tip already leaking a clear trail he uses to smooth his caress. His thumb circles the head and the needy whine from Nie Huaisang makes his cock twitch in response. He could steal his orgasm right here and now, feeling it fluttering around his erection. “You’re a tease,” Nie Huaisang chides when the subtle fucking isn’t cutting it for him.

“Are you going to come from me alone?” Jiang Cheng dares, pouring the words right into his ear, his hand giving his cock an ungentle squeeze. A smug smile stretches his lips. He was defenseless last night when they made love, ensorcelled by his lavishing beauty, but this morning he’s even more starved of him; of the unrestrained sex they have succumbed along the years as the only consolation of their lives.

“Y-yes…” Nie Huaisang says, turning his head about to earn a peck on his cheek. He’s still half asleep but so turned on by waking up next to Jiang Cheng. He wants another taste of last night before it’s too late and he has to leave for heaven knows how long.

“I like when you act like a wanton.” Jiang Cheng marks every word with a deep thrust.

“I don’t,” Nie Huaisang protests.

“You do.” Jiang Cheng rolls over him, pinning him to the mattress. “And I crave it like a drug.” He rocks into him slower than before, bending his leg along with Nie Huaisang’s while the other stretches along the bed. Sliding in the last inch, Jiang Cheng plunges in balls-deep and they both exhale a groan that sounds more like a moan. There has never been a lover Jiang Cheng desired more than Nie Huaisang. Everyone pales compared to this, to the soul-warming sensation of belonging when they’re together. His hips carry on a sway determined to drive them both mad too soon, but Jiang Cheng cannot stop the short thrusts shoving him in deeper every time.

Nie Huaisang moans and endures the ungentle slams, mouth agape, his lips dry, his hands wringing the bedding for support. When he starts to feel overwhelmed by the intensity, he notes Jiang Cheng’s kisses down his neck, an arm around his head, the other sneaking in between his chest and the bedding to hold him close. “Wanyin,” he mumbles.

“I’m close.” Jiang Cheng pants, his movements frantic, trying to hold on for him.

“Don’t stop.” Nie Huaisang moans the words, lifting his ass so the thick cock inside him puts pressure where he needs; where it pulls his strings right. His erection brushes against the bedding, Jiang Cheng knocking him down at every onslaught. The noises of skin against skin fill the chambers along with their ragged breaths.

They’re exhausted from last night but at the verge of another soul-tearing orgasm. Both lovers refusing to let go just yet. They don’t want to face the day. The sunlight seeping through a corner of the window menaces to reach the bed like a warning; a stopwatch that dictates when they can be together or not. Jiang Cheng wants to stop time, to live in this dream-like morning for the rest of his life. With Nie Huaisang.

Nie Huaisang sobs, his cock twitches at a mindful thrust that buries Jiang Cheng so deep he believes he has never felt more full of him than now. As though he was hardening and swelling inside him and about to cum. “I can’t…” Jiang Cheng breathes out in a grunt. “I can’t hold on….” Nie Huaisang arches his spine at him, forgetting about himself.

“Come,” he whispers, whining at the ruthless bite from Jiang Cheng on his shoulder. He pounds into him faster and so desperately he doesn’t know what has gotten into him. When did their morning sex turn into a last wish? His hair sticks to his face, his butt cheeks are surely reddened by the slapping of Jiang Cheng’s forceful thrusts. He senses his body trembling on top of his own. A ruthless onslaught fills him to the brim lets him feel the twitch on his cock and the hot spurts spilled inside him.

Jiang Cheng mumbles his name like a mantra, rocking into him as though he was still trying to elongate his pleasure and this moment, reluctant to stop and admit it’s over. Nie Huaisang sneaks a hand down his belly, grasping his cock in a tight fist and tugging fast. It’s not that he needed much, but he wants to get off while Jiang Cheng’s half-hard cock is still inside him. But Jiang Cheng grasps his wrist and stops him. “I’m sorry, I lost it.” Cursing how careless he’s been, he takes Nie Huaisang’s cock in his hand. “I’ve missed you so much…” He strokes him tenderly. “I don’t know how to be without you.”

It takes barely a few seconds. Sparing kisses across his jaw and sweaty cheek, still inside him, his hand enveloping him in a lustful embrace as it moves in short, slow movements. Nie Huaisang’s heart races and his breath seizes, and the moment after, he’s spilling on the sheets as a jolt of pleasure makes his body tremble underneath Jiang Cheng’s weight. A loose fist accompanies until the very last spam while many more kisses map his neck. After a deep sigh, Nie Huaisang registers his words and his heart shrinks. “Don’t miss me, I’ll… -he takes a sharp intake of air-… I’ll try to come back tonight.”

Jiang Cheng hugs him close, realizing the words that didn’t want to leave his mouth last night poured out of him unannounced. His heart swells at how undeserving he is of Nie Huaisang and the love he professes him. He ought to do better. “Smile for me. That’s all I need,” Jiang Cheng whispers into his ear. Moving away the strand of hair stuck to his cheek he finds a lovely, flustered Nie Huaisang and a beautiful curl on the corner of his mouth. He kisses it tenderly before he straightens and pulls out. His eyes follow the sinuous curve of his spine and down his ass.

It’s covered by a hue pink and marks of his hands, and Jiang Cheng smiles smugly, groping for both his butt cheeks. Nie Huaisang glances back at him behind hooded lids, still trying to catch his breath while enduring the teasing. Jiang Cheng kneads his cheeks, spreading gently to see the mess he has made of him. He bites his lower lip, cocking his head at the pearlescent trail dripping out of him. “Don’t stare!” Nie Huaisang protests, squirming under his hold. “Don’t look at me like that, Jiang er gege.” He throws the pillow at him and misses by a whisker.

Jiang Cheng chuckles, giving one last squeeze to his butt. “I’d eat you like this,” he quips, tracing a road of kisses from the small of his back and up between his shoulder blades. “Why don’t we take a bath together?” he whispers, nuzzling at his nape.

“Can we linger in bed?” Nie Huaisang purrs, turning around to find Jiang Cheng’s lips for the morning kiss that he owes him. His head sinks back into the mattress when Jiang Cheng assails his mouth with his tongue and steals his wits.

“If I stay here with you like this…” he threatens. “I’ll do you again.” Jiang Cheng drags his lips over Nie Huaisang’s mouth, feeling his warm and velvety lips. He roves his hand over his side until he finds a perked nipple, circling his thumb over it tenderly while his tongue glides and parts his lips, dipping inside and deepening the kiss once more. As though he hadn’t had enough of him.

“Jiang Cheng!” Nie Huaisang chides, clinging to his neck with both arms while pressing on the bed with the balls of his feet. Using the distraction of their embrace, he rolls them over and tackles Jiang Cheng on his back. He straddles him, finding adorable the smile of surprise on his face. “If you’re so insatiable then get hard again so I can ride you.” Nie Huaisang straightens, bracing himself on Jiang Cheng’s strong chest. His hair drapes down his shoulders as the only barrier that shields him from his nakedness while Jiang Cheng glances up at him. His hands fondle his thighs, his eyes glitter in lust and something wild that answers to his boldness.

“Since when are you so shameless?” Jiang Cheng asks, narrowing his eyes.

“Since you haven’t touched me in two weeks!” Nie Huaisang retorts.

“Will we ever leave the bed?” Jiang Cheng arches an eyebrow at him and Nie Huaisang shakes his head effusively. “Because I’m tempted to kidnap the Qinghe Nie Sect leader in my chambers for the whole day.” The threat brings a smirk to his lips and a sultry, half-smile to Nie Huaisang’s face.

“You can try,” he whispers before Zidian crackles and a purplish light envelopes him in a tender hug formed by Jiang Cheng’s spiritual power. “Not fair!” It’s tight enough to restrain his movements, but the warmth over his skin is soothing and eager like a lover’s caress. Jiang Cheng straightens, trapping his chin between his knuckles to kiss his pursing lips.

“I warned you…” Nie Huaisang giggles.

 

They ended up leaving the bed after a few hours. Nie Huaisang took a late morning nap while Jiang Cheng postponed his obligations for the day and arranged a bath and lunch for both. He sips his tea, glancing at himself in the mirror of his vanity. Jiang Cheng just got out of the bath and left Nie Huaisang relaxing in the flower-scented water a bit longer. There are no signs of tiredness under his eyes and his usually blunt expression has turned into a thin, gratifying smile. When he believes Nie Huaisang is a balm to his soul, he is not far from the truth.

Leaving the cup on the table, he opens a drawer and takes a comb out. He runs it through his hair, smoothing stray hairs when his eyes fall on a primly decorated wooden box at the bottom of the drawer. Jiang Cheng sighs, remembering exactly what it holds inside and calling himself a coward in his mind. It’s been sitting there for years, waiting for him.

Nie Huaisang comes out from behind the folding screen enveloped in a thin lavender robe and nothing else. His skin sports a pink hue from the hot water, his cheeks flushed and plump, his hair gathered in a bun on top of his head. He smiles as he meets Jiang Cheng’s gaze through the mirror. “There are tea and some food,” Jiang Cheng says, riveting his eyes unabashedly over him. Nie Huaisang kneels at his side, and Jiang Cheng gives him a peck on the lips before he serves him a cup of tea.

Motioning himself behind Jiang Cheng, already missing his proximity, he moves away the short hair and rests his chin on his shoulder. “Let me help you,” he says and Jiang Cheng nods. He busies himself with his hair as he has done countless times in the past. Just the thought of his fingers combing and threading gives Jiang Cheng goosebumps. He calmly sips his tea again and then grabs a lotus pod and proceeds to pick up the seeds. Doing this always reminds him of his shijie, the sweet Jiang Yanli, and how she always took care of him. _Of us,_ he corrects himself.

Jiang Cheng takes one already peeled off the bitter pith while Nie Huaisang divides the hair and carefully gathers the back part on top, forming an elegant bun with expertise. “A-Sang,” he says, and those hazel eyes glance at him. He smiles sweetly, parting his mouth and trapping the seed. His lips brush his fingers incidentally, humming at the slightly sweet taste of fresh seeds. “Are they good?” He eats one himself, and Nie Huaisang nods, fetching for some pins from the table while Jiang Cheng feeds him another one.

“I like when you peel them for me,” Nie Huaisang says, perfecting the bun as he inspects his work so far, making sure it’s not askew. “Otherwise I wouldn’t even eat them, I find that plant terrifying.” He points at the lotus seed pods on the tray. Jiang Cheng chuckles. “Look at them, with all those creepy cavities.” Nie Huaisang wrinkles his eyes shut and shudders as though a frisson had gone through his body. Jiang Cheng lets out a hearty chuckle.

“My sister used to do this for me and…” Jiang Cheng bites back his name as a bittersweet seed.

“Do you miss her?” Nie Huaisang whispers, moving to braid one side, leaving Jiang Cheng’s elegant strands at the front.

“Every day.” Jiang Cheng smiles fondly, squeezing Nie Huaisang’s thigh because they both lost their siblings unexpectedly. There is no need for words when they share this pain, a glance and gentle caress offer the sincere comfort they need.

Nie Huaisang finishes one braid and secures it at the top under the attentive gaze of Jiang Cheng who misses nothing of his face of concentration. He can tell he takes pleasure on this at how his deft fingers braid unhurriedly. Once he finishes, Nie Huaisang ties a purple ribbon around the hairdo, making sure the ends are symmetrical and that they drape elegantly at his back. Jiang Cheng hands him the simple coronet he usually wears. “You could go for a showy one, Cheng-xiong,” Nie Huaisang says, sliding a long needle to secure the attachment. “One with an amethyst… oh, or a purple sapphire.” Jiang Cheng smiles widely at his distracted lover plotting the design of a traditional coronet that would be a hassle to wear every day.

“There’s no need for me to be that fashionable,” Jiang Cheng says with a smirk.

Nie Huaisang sighs. “But you’d be so regal on it… not that you’re not already so handsome.” He kisses his now bared nape. “This is my favorite part of you wearing all your hair up.” Jiang Cheng pours more tea to warm up the previous one and offers it to Nie Huaisang. He sits by his side again, admiring his work of art while sipping the warm liquid. “I believe I could come back tonight if I extend the hunting, it depends on…”

“There’s no need to think about that now,” Jiang Cheng says, noting the sadness flashing through his eyes. “Huaisang, can I ask you something?” He nods, dumbfounded by Jiang Cheng’s serious expression. “Why don’t you ask me for help? You are always relying on Zewu-jun and Lianfang-zun.” Jiang Cheng meets his gaze over the brim of the cup.

“I don’t want to be a nuisance to you,” Nie Huaisang says, leaving the cup gently on the tray.

“I can be helpful too.” Jiang Cheng sighs, noting how he averts his gaze and avoids questions.

“Everybody knows I’m a good for nothing,” he murmurs. “You’d be tired of me as they are, with the difference that I care about what you think of me.” Nie Huaisang meets his gaze. “You’ve rebuilt this on your own. How would I dare to ask for more than this from you?” Jiang Cheng takes his hand. “I don’t want to be a good for nothing in your eyes.”

“You’ll never…” Jiang Cheng swallows. “You did what you could without your brother.” He kisses his knuckles, gauging his next words. “I know how hard it is.” Nie Huaisang parts his mouth, his gaze fixed on their intertwined hands.

“I could never bother you with trivial matters, believe me,” Nie Huaisang says, the corner of his mouth pulling upward.

“It’s not trivial if it’s about you,” Jiang Cheng frowns. “Huaisang.” He locks eyes with him, drowning in the mellow green of his eyes as though they were the freshest of grasses. “I know I’m not the most approachable person.” Nie Huaisang smiles, cocking his head. “But all I did, all I built here… means nothing without you.”

“Sweet talker,” Nie Huaisang chides, scooting closer and pressing their lips together as though listening to those tender-hearted words from someone like Jiang Cheng would melt his heart in the spot. “What got into you?” he asks. “Are you getting older, Jiang er gege?”

“I don’t want to lose you for being a grumpy old man,” Jiang Cheng quips, quoting his words from last night. Nie Huaisang covers his chuckle with the back of his hand. Jiang Cheng has never made his life harder but easier. How could he ask for more after everything they’ve been through? Nie Huaisang has always understood Jiang Cheng’s obligations toward the Yunmeng Jiang Sect. They are both leaders of renowned cultivational clans even though his own crumbles day by day. How could love be a priority when the world has ripped them of all they ever loved in their lives? What about the doubtful future of their Sects?

Nie Huaisang sighs, sliding on Jiang Cheng’s lap as an expert mistress. “You are many things, Cheng-xiong, but not an old man…” he whispers, nuzzling at his jaw while his hand slides underneath his robe. He feels a beating heart thumping for him.

“So, you’re saying I am grumpy,” Jiang Cheng purses his lips and Nie Huaisang chuckles. Defeated, Jiang Cheng wraps both arms around him, cradling him against his chest. He stiffens when his fingers follow the ridges of a whip scar. A reminder of many dark memories never to be forgotten. Jiang Cheng wrinkles his eyes shut as he takes a deep breath.

“I-I’m sorry,” Nie Huaisang says, attempting to remove his hand from underneath the robe when Jiang Cheng presses his palm on top of his own. He never mentions the disciplinary whip scar, they pretend it doesn’t exist even though it’s there. They both know it’s there. Unerasable.

“I have nothing to hide from you.” Nie Huaisang straightens in his arms, cupping his face with a hand while the other brushes against his scar as though he could erase the pain. Somehow, he does, because Jiang Cheng opens his eyes and the corner of his mouth pulls upward in a half-smile. Those bluer-than-a-summer-sky eyes stare into his, piercing his soul. He kisses Nie Huaisang’s forehead. “I got something for you a while ago.”

“A present?” His eyes lit up, brimming with curiosity.

“I never got around to giving it to you.” Jiang Cheng reaches blindly for the wooden box, placing it in Nie Huaisang’s hands. He clenches his fist to hide how his hand trembles. Oblivious to what’s inside, but used to his gifts, Nie Huaisang grins a boyish smile that reaches his eyes and pulls the strings at Jiang Cheng’s heart. “Open it.” His voice almost wavers as it did right before their first kiss.

Nie Huaisang admires the motifs of swallows flying around a nine-petaled lotus. It is meticulously crafted, in a dark wood of the same color of the furniture in Jiang Cheng’s chambers. He traces the lotus with his forefinger, worrying at his lower lip but unable to guess what’s inside. “What is it?” he asks.

“A piece of me. Open it.” Jiang Cheng senses his cheeks hurting by how widely he smiles. It had been an eternity he felt this way, unbridled joy taking away the ghosts of his past. All because of him; always because of him.

Nie Huaisang complies, gasping at what he finds inside. “This is…”

“I had it made for you,” Jiang Cheng says. A silvery bell lays at the bottom of the box. Nie Huaisang picks it up between his fingers, lifting it before his eyes. A shy smile adorns his lips as he inspects, mesmerized, the details of the small, round object. They are so delicate he swoons in delight. Nine-petaled loti have been carved around its shape, the material looks like silver but it’s heavy and sturdy as though nothing could ever break it. Nie Huaisang threads his fingers on the intricate chain and lets the bell hang from them, wondering if he should attach it to his sash and wear it every day. A deep purple tassel sways in front of his bleary eyes. “Do you like it?” Jiang Cheng asks at the pregnant silence. But Nie Huaisang’s face is like an open book.

“Of course I like it!” he says effusively, all flustered while closing his hand around it. “Why is it warm?”

“I infused it with my spiritual energy for you.” Jiang Cheng clears his throat, feeling the heat on his cheeks. Therefore the bell has been years sitting in his vanity waiting for a moment that never came, waiting for his doubts to dispel, his mind to settle, and his heart to open once and for all. But deep inside, he has always loved him. Nie Huaisang smiles shyly, pressing the bell to his lips while staring at Jiang Cheng’s blushing face. “You don’t need to wear it, I just… since we…” Nie Huaisang comes to the rescue while he trips on his own words.

“It’s perfect and I’ll carry it with me everywhere,” he murmurs, leaning forward to kiss Jiang Cheng and drink a gasp of relief right from his mouth. “I love you.” Jiang Cheng deepens the kiss, gripping his waist and pushing him onward. He has used a long kiss as the perfect excuse to not answer to that many times. _Say it_. Even though he knows he loves him with all his heart and soul, but there’s that fear. That unbeatable darkness that reminds him he loses everything he loves to his own unlucky fate. Jiang Cheng takes a sharp intake of air that sounds more like a strangled gasp.

“I love you too,” he whispers into his mouth. He misses nothing of those hazel eyes widening, of the subtle wavering of his lower lip and how besides embarrassed, he’s at peace. But then Nie Huaisang breaks into a fit of laughter, writhing in his lap as he fills the room with the clear sound of his laugh. “What’s so funny?” He pinches his sides as though to chide him but instead tickles him more.

Nie Huaisang covers his mouth with his hand, shaking with laughter still. “For a moment there,” he shakes his head. “I thought you were going to ask me to marry you.” He chuckles again, sighing while caressing the silvery bell nestling in his hand.

“What if I did?” Jiang Cheng swallows thickly. Nie Huaisang loses his childish smile at Jiang Cheng’s serious expression. His eyes pierce him in place, his hands tightening around his waist as though the gesture would prevent him from running away.

“W-What?” The only eloquent word his brain can produce.

“Huaisang,” Jiang Cheng pauses, staring into the eyes he wants to see first thing in the morning and last thing in the night. “Will you marry me?” His voice doesn’t falter. His will never wavers. Nie Huaisang clings to him, hiding in the crook of his neck. He trembles and sobs, scaring Jiang Cheng to the core. “Why…” He holds him tight. The arms around his neck close, almost strangling him as he feels his chest heaving and his heart thumping. He sobs again. “I wouldn’t be such a bad husband,” he whispers into his ear, his hands soothing his back as a wholehearted consolation. “A-Sang, please don’t be sad…”

“It’s not that!” Nie Huaisang sobs, finally leaving his hiding spot. Tears trickle down his cheeks, his eyes bleary and his lower lip trembling as he tries to find the words. Jiang Cheng stares at him with endless tenderness. At this moment, he knows it doesn’t matter if he wants to marry him or not because either way, he’ll always be with him. Though he can hope…

“What is it then?” Jiang Cheng asks, trapping his chin between his knuckles and tilting his head upward. “We don’t have to get married, I just… want to be with you.”

“Do you mean it?”

“Would I ask if I had doubts?” Jiang Cheng presses their foreheads together, drowning in the emotions brimming out of Nie Huaisang. “Am I a man of great gestures?”

“Wanyin…” Nie Huaisang murmurs. “But I...”

“Be my husband, my life partner,” Jiang Cheng says, his mouth pulling upward in a half-smile that makes Nie Huaisang’s heart skip a beat. “Let’s cultivate together, night-hunt together, rule together.”

“But I’m not… -he sighs- if this is because you think I’m tired of hiding from them I’m not. I can take it,” Nie Huaisang says, a worrisome frown in between his eyebrows. “Anything for you.”

“From now on,” Jiang Cheng whispers, ignoring his doubts because he knows he has contributed to them somehow in the past years. “The only veil I want on you is red, and it’ll be also the last one I’ll lift.”

Nie Huaisang cries happy tears as he falls for his mouth a tad too eagerly. Jiang Cheng almost falls on his back but receives him into his arms with the same joy he receives his answer. “Yes,” he mumbles against his mouth, kissing and letting his heart out. “Yes, yes, yes… a thousand times yes.” Jiang Cheng chuckles, a hand on his nape, the other on his lower back. Nie Huaisang doesn’t tremble anymore, he glides his tongue to part his lips and sneaks inside for a taste of his love. Yielding to his lover, Jiang Cheng grunts softly. But his eyes are open, scared of closing them and waking up from a dream instead. “One thing though,” Nie Huaisang says, breathless. “I don’t like night-hunting,” he pouts.

“Then why do you get so upset when I tease you about it?” Jiang Cheng snorts and Nie Huaisang nudges him, caught up in the serious negotiations of their wedding vows and promises. There is no way he would choose to prowl at midnight in a lost, gloomy forest surrounded by monsters over the comfort of a book and a cup of wine.

Jiang Cheng stands with a groan, lifting Nie Huaisang too. The wooden box topples over the floor with a thump. Nie Huaisang yelps but clings to his neck as his soon-to-be-husband carries him effortlessly. “Jiang er gege! Where are you taking me?” Nie Huaisang protest, but a sly smile stretches his lips.

“We will night-hunt together,” Jiang Cheng states, walking them both back into his inner bedroom. “And we will cultivate together.” He throws Nie Huaisang on the bed, crawling on top of him while unwrapping the lavender silk covering his naked body. “In and out of bed!” Those are his final words because his mouth gets lost in jade skin and recent love bites.

“But your hair!” Nie Huaisang squirms, arching into his kisses. “My bath,” he mumbles, moaning when Jiang Cheng wraps a warm mouth around his nipple. “Where will we live?” His world spins, his mind rambles about the troubles to come and also ignores them all when Jiang Cheng trails a road of kisses up to his neck and jaw. “How is this going to work?”

“Together,” Jiang Cheng says against his mouth, dragging his lips over his own. “I want to grow old with you or reach immortality, I don’t care.” He grasps Nie Huaisang’s wrists and presses them to the mattress while getting drunk of his lavishing beauty. He stares at his flustered cheeks, at his parted mouth and the dried-up tears. The joy of freedom invades them once and for all. “And you?”

Nie Huaisang smiles, trying to squirm free of his hold with little luck. When the great Sandu Shengshou catches his prey, he never lets go. “Old and grumpy,” he teases, earning a bite on his lips and the tenderest of kisses right after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! ლζ*♡ε♡*ζლ I hope you liked my happy version of sangcheng. Someone should tell the couple they have to go through the entire novel now (੭ ˃̣̣̥ ω˂̣̣̥)੭ु⁾⁾ (NOT ME)
> 
> I wasn't planning on a Marriage Proposal per se but damn it, Jiang Cheng did it on his own while I was writing xDDD and a comment saying "Let them be official!!!" gave me the last push xDDD I hope it wasn't too sappy... 
> 
> See y'all on the next one (*≧▽≦)ﾉｼ)) (If you had any doubts, yes, it's more self-indulgent sangcheng)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! ٩(♡ε♡ )۶
> 
> Suggestions, corrections, and comments are more than welcome ╭( ･ㅂ･)و ̑̑ ˂ᵒ͜͡ᵏᵎ⁾✩


End file.
